


FLYWM extras

by EtoileGarden



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Arguments, Babies, Communication, Domestic Moments, Ethan POV, First Date, First Day of School, M/M, Making out in cars, Marriage, Married Life, Nightmares, Non-Explicit Sexual Content, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Proposals, Trauma, adam pov, dog having loving life, extras!, flywm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-07-29 18:35:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16270004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtoileGarden/pseuds/EtoileGarden
Summary: Felt Like You Were Mine might be finished, but my love of writing Ethan is not! So, as I said earlier, I'm gonna write some more little extra moments in the FLYWM universe. Each story will be a separate chapter. If you wanna see something in particular, tell me and I'll maybe write it!(CHAPTER 6)Ronan and Adam discuss expanding their family





	1. First day of school - Ethan POV

Back in Henrietta the closest thing Ethan had been to school was sitting in Adam’s classes on days Adam would inexplicably pack him up with his schoolwork and take him in, and then later, when Ethan would join in on whatever activity was happening at Fox Way. This was normal, of course, because Shelb and Mari had told him that they weren’t gonna go to school ‘til they were six, and Ethan was only just a bit more than five. Still. He thought he was pretty learned already if he was being honest with himself and everyone else. 

 

He did classes with his friends Maura and Calla and Seph and Jimi and everyone there who smelled good. He knew how to make four different kinds of tea and he knew what the teas did and he knew which ones made Ronan swear even though he was pretending he wasn’t swearing. He knew how to pick the right card whenever anyone offered him one. He knew which flowers bees liked and which flowers he liked and which flowers liked him and he knew all of their names.

Because Adam was his big brother and Adam knew everything about almost everything, he knew all his ABC’s, and he knew a lot of reading and he knew how to write things so long as they weren’t too dumb or long. He knew how to put numbers on top of each other to make new numbers, and how to take away numbers from inside other numbers to make smaller numbers, and how sometimes the numbers did magic tricks with each other and got super big suddenly or super small but he wasn’t always sure he understood those ones. 

 

Blue was the one that learned him the flowers, and she was the one that learned him the trees too. He knew which ones would maybe speak to him if he was good and clever, and he knew what their names were, and he knew which ones made his hands sticky and gummed Adam’s hair up. 

 

So. He knew lots of things. He was learned up real good, for sure. So. He didn’t think it would be actually very useful or fun or a good idea at all really to go to any other school when he had already done all of his learning. 

 

That’s what he told Adam and Ronan, very carefully, the night they told him they were looking for a nice school for him. 

 

-

 

“Sweetheart,” Adam says. 

 

He’s standing across the room from Ethan, elbow deep in a box that Ethan had labeled as ‘HOTTDOGGsS’, unpacking Ethan’s clothes into a brand new set of drawers that Ethan’s friend Dec had bought him as a ‘welcome to your new wacky house, little dude’, present. 

 

Ethan folds his arms crossly over his chest, tugging them out from under his blanket first to make sure this was seen properly. Ronan snorts from over by the doorway. That was not what he was supposed to do because Ethan was mad and Ronan snorting made Ethan want to snort and when you’re mad you’re not supposed to be laughing because then you’re not mad anymore or that’s what people think. 

 

  
Sweetheart,” Adam says again, “you are real, real smart, you know lots and lots of things -” 

 

“I’m learned!” Ethan chips in loudly, because he thinks maybe Adam hadn’t quite caught it the first time around. 

 

“You’re well learned,” Ronan tells him from the doorway with another snort. 

 

“But,” Adam continues, calmly folding Ethan’s torn ‘Murder Squash’ shirt into the drawers, “there’s still so much for you to get to learn. You’ll get to learn all sorts of other cool things.” 

 

“Learned all the cool stuff,” Ethan says. 

 

Ronan pushes himself away from the door and crosses over the cardboard box strewn floor to perch on the edge of Ethan’s bed. It’s a new bed, and Ethan likes it a lot. Adam doesn’t like it so much but that was only because he said; ‘God damn it, Declan. I leave you and Matty alone with Ethan for five minutes in the store and you buy him a race car bed? I said look at sheets!’ Declan had replied with; ‘Oh. Well we looked at sheets too and got the race car ones to match the bed.’ Adam had made a noise which Matty had laughed at, and then shrugged, and Ethan had gotten to go home with a bed that was a race car. A race car that was a bed. He was gonna be the speediest sleeper there ever was. He hadn’t managed to convince Adam to buy a matching one for Chainsaw, but Ronan had said he might, maybe, maybe, dream her one up. 

 

“Have you really learned all the cool stuff?” Ronan asks, tugging at Ethan’s (race car) duvet so he could slide under it with Ethan, “That’s pretty darn impressive.” 

 

Adam grunts from over by the drawers. Ethan grins, leans in against Ronan and wriggles until Ronan tugs him up into his lap for a proper cuddle. 

 

“Yup,” he says, “learned it all.” 

 

“Wow,” Ronan says, “you must have learned all about the dinosaurs then.” 

 

“Um,” Ethan says. 

 

“‘Cos they’re super cool,” Ronan continues, squeezing Ethan tightly, “and you definitely must’ve learned all about volcanoes! And chocolate cakes! And stars! And the moon! You know all about that cool stuff, yeah?” 

 

“Hm,” Ethan says. 

 

“And you know how to spell flamingo? Yeah?” Ronan continues, “That’s like, a so cool word. And you gotta know the story Seph gets her name from, right? That’s real, real cool.” 

 

“Maybe,” Ethan says, “maybe I dunno that.” 

 

“Huh?” Ronan says, jostles Ethan in his lap so Ethan sprawls across his knees and they can stare at each other. “What? You don’t know what?” 

 

“I dunno,” Ethan pouts up at him. Ronan pouts down at him. 

 

“But if you dunno,” Ronan points out, “does that mean you dunno all the cool stuff?” 

 

“Maybe,” Ethan grumbles. 

 

This isn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. It was supposed to go with Ronan saying, ‘yes Adam look how learned and clever and just like you Ethan is we should let him stay home being very clever and good and wow with Chainsaw’ and Adam would go, ‘you’re right, of course, I’m sorry baby you can stay home you’re super duper clever, I love you a lot.’ 

 

“Maybe you could learn something like that at a school?” Ronan says. 

 

“Maybe,” Ethan sighs. He’s had enough of being sprawled now, reaches up to Ronan, and Ronan easily hooks him back upright so that Ethan can cling to his chest. 

 

Adam finishes with the clothes then, and joins them on the bed and in the cuddling and Ronan tells them both a story and Chainsaw comes in his bedroom window and sits in an empty box and yells at them and Adam kisses his forehead and Ronan kisses his forehead and the sparkly night light is turned on and the door is left open and hopefully no one will ever talk about school again. 

 

-

 

Adam talks about school again the very next morning while Ethan is trying to eat cornflakes and read at once. It’s difficult because sometimes when you are concentrating very hard on words your hand doesn’t remember where your mouth is and your cornflakes end up in your hair or on the book. 

 

“Buddy,” Adam says. 

 

“Mm,” Ethan says. 

 

He is very focused on the fact that even being in a boat with a goat couldn’t persuade someone to eat new food. If he was in a boat with a goat he would be happy enough to eat anything anyone gave him. 

 

“I know starting school can seem real scary,” Adam says. 

 

Ethan glares very hard at the goat so that Adam knows he is concentrating on his reading and shouldn’t be distracted. Adam does not seem to realise this and distracts him anyway. 

 

“And it’s ok to be scared,” Adam continues, “but I promise you that me an’ Ro’ll come with you until you’re happy bein’ there.” 

 

“Ro says school’s dumb.” Ethan mumbles into his cornflakes. 

 

This is something he had heard Ronan say quite a lot. Mostly when Adam was doing the thing where he read a lot of books and wrote a lot of words and did not want to play with Ethan or Ronan. 

 

“Ronan sometimes says dumb things,” Adam says, “but he doesn’t actually think school is dumb. Do you, Ronan?” He says the last bit louder than the rest, calling it through the flat to the bathroom where Ronan said he was ‘taking the biggest dump. Call the news’. 

 

“School isn’t dumb!” Ronan hollars back. 

 

“There you go,” Adam says. 

 

Ethan loses his spoon in the milk in his cornflakes. He gets his fingers all milky fetching it out again. He licks his fingers. 

 

“Ethan,” Adam says, “I think you’ll really like school. Ro and I were lookin’ at some real nice ones around here. It’ll be real fun.” 

 

“Don’t think so,” Ethan says to his milky fingers. 

 

“How come?” Adam asks. 

 

Ethan shrugs. 

 

Adam is struggling with the coffee machine. It’s one of Ronan’s funny dreams, and sometimes it doesn’t want to be a coffee machine, sometimes it wants to be a nuisance. That’s what Adam says. 

 

“Dunno,” Ethan says. 

 

Adam struggles a little bit more. The coffee machine is maybe thinking about being a coffee machine. It smells like coffee now. Also pineapples.

 

“There’ll be lots of books,” Adam says, “and lots of kids for you to be friends with. And you’ll get to be the cleverest in the class when they find out how good you are with your addition.” 

 

Ethan drops his spoon into the milk again, this time on purpose. The coffee machine is being a coffee machine now which means that Adam’s back isn’t all stiff and grumpy anymore. 

 

“Hm,” Ethan says. 

 

Adam joins him at the little table, mug of coffee in one hand, toast in the other. He’d been holding the toast for ages and maybe he had actually forgotten he was holding it. It was droopy. 

 

“Bud,” Adam says. He knocks the toast on the table top, looks at it in surprise, and then takes a crunching bite, “buddy boy,” he says through a mouthful of buttery crumbs, “what’s up, huh?” 

 

“Shelb says her friend Lucy went to school and the teachers were mean and she couldn’t go home and someone smelled real bad.” 

 

“Huh,” Adam says. He takes another bite of the toast. “Well if any of your teachers are mean all you gotta do is tell us and we’ll take care of it. We aren’t gonna make you go anywhere with mean teachers, baby.” 

 

Ethan fetches his spoon again. He’s gotten milk on Sam I Am. 

 

“And,” Adam continues, “you can come home whenever you like. Ok? I don’t care what any teacher says, if you wanna come home you can come home. You’re not gonna be stuck anywhere, ok?” 

 

The cornflakes are all melting into the milk now. 

 

“Smelly people,” he reminds Adam. 

 

“Hm,” Adam says, “baby, I’m sorry, sometimes? People are gonna be smelly.” 

 

“Like Ro,” Ethan says. 

 

“God,” Adam snorts, “yeah. We’re gonna have to go out when he gets out of the loo.” 

 

“I can hear you!” Ronan yells. 

 

-

 

This is how Ethan finds himself, too quickly, standing grumpily by the table while Adam packs him a lunch for his first day of school. Adam says ‘first day of school’ like it’s an exciting super cool thing but Ethan had talked to Shelb and Mari on the phone the other day which was funny because when both the phones were on the SPEAKER it echoed all around and Adam grumbled and went into his bedroom. Anyway. Shelb and Mari had said ‘first day of school’ like it was the scariest thing ever and Ethan knows that that’s true because that’s what his tummy is saying about it as well even though he told Adam that his tummy felt fine and brave about it because he was a brave and fine boy. 

 

“Ok baby,” Adam is saying, “you’ve got a chicken nugget sandwich because Ronan is soft, and a yum yogurt, and the dry apple rings from Maura for your lunch.” 

 

“And the juice,” Ronan yells from the other room. 

 

“And this juice,” Adam agrees, holding up a juice box for Ethan to see before he packs it into the lunch box. “And look, in  _ this _ bit is your morning tea, ok? Raisins and yogurt balls and a cookie. Alright?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan says. 

 

Chainsaw repeats the noise in his ear. She’s sitting carefully on his shoulder and had been all morning. She didn’t like his uniform and had been trying to sneakily dig holes into the shoulders of the jumper but Adam and Ronan kept catching her at it and stopping her. Ethan thinks the holes would be cool. Then he’d look like Ronan because he remembered Ronan’s school jumper had shoulder holes too. 

 

“And you’re wearing your special watch?” Adam asks, closing the lunch box and putting it into Ethan’s bag. 

 

Adam and Ronan had taken him out special school shopping so Ethan had a proper school bag that had birds all over it and lots of pockets to stick cool rocks and leaves in and a new lunchbox that Adam liked because it has lots of ‘compartments’ and Ethan liked because it was bright pink. His special watch wasn’t something they had gotten at the special shopping. The special watch was something Ronan had special dreamed just for him and it was super cool because it glowed in the dark and at night it had stars on it and in the day in had flowers on it and if Ethan told it that he wanted to go home then Adam’s watch and Ronan’s watch would tell them that Ethan wanted to go home and then he would get to go home. He holds his arm up so Adam can see the watch on his wrist. He hadn’t taken it off even once since Ronan had given it to him because Ronan says it’s waterproof and bump proof and five year old proof and Ethan doesn’t have to take it off ever if he doesn’t want to because it’ll grow with him. 

 

“Good job,” Adam says. His face is doing the thing where it’s all smiley and bright looking but it makes Ethan feel all worried in his tummy because Adam’s eyes are all strange and his shoulders are all high. “Got your shoes on?” 

 

Ethan lifts one foot up so Adam can see his shoes. Ronan comes into the room then, whisking Ethan up before he can put his foot down, and flinging him up in the air - both shoes on display. 

 

“Don’t be such a worry wart,” Ronan says to Adam, chucks Ethan up in the air again while Ethan shrieks and Chainsaw flutters wildly around him and ronan. “He’s a big boy, of course he remembers his shoes.” 

 

“I know he’s a big boy,” Adam says, and now his voice is doing a weird thing too, and when Ronan hoists Ethan up on his hip and holds him tight he also holds an arm out to Adam and Adam comes quickly over to them and hugs onto Ethan tight too and says; “you’re such a big boy now, Ethan.” 

 

Ethan doesn’t feel like a big boy when he’s being squeezed so tightly but if being a big boy means not being squeezed like this then he doesn’t want to be a big boy because then what if Ronan doesn’t chuck him in the air anymore and Adam doesn’t let him get into bed with them and Chainsaw doesn’t want to be friends with big boys? 

 

“Not that big,” Ethan says, and Ronan laughs. 

 

“Not that big,” Ronan agrees, bends a bit to kiss Ethan’s cheek and then Adam’s cheek. 

 

“Not that big,” Adam echoes, pulls away from Ronan and Ethan and smiles at them both. It’s almost a real Adam smile now. Ethan’s tummy isn’t as scared. “Not too big that you don’t want us to come with you for first class?” 

 

“Not too big,” Ethan says quickly. 

 

-

 

Ethan knows that Adam and Ronan  _ aren’t _ his parents, even if Ronan had shown him all the special paperwork that said they were his ‘legal guardians’ and that his real parents had no legal right to him. But all the other kids here were here with their parents and everyone is saying, ‘this is my mum and this is my dad and my name is -’ and Ethan wasn’t gonna get to say that and then everyone in the special get to know you circle was gonna know that Ethan didn’t even have a mum or a dad anymore and maybe his teacher already knew because him and Adam and Ronan had met up with her special the week before to say hello and to make sure Ethan didn’t hate her but not everyone knew that he didn’t have dads or mums. 

 

Adam is holding his hand on one side and Ronan is holding his hand on the other and really Ethan just wants to get up off the floor and get into a lap but it’s almost his turn to say hello to everyone and if he was moving around when he was supposed to be talking maybe he would say the wrong thing. 

 

“Baby,” Adam says softly into his ear, “hey.” 

 

“We can introduce you if you want,” Ronan says against his other ear, “it’s ok.” 

 

Ethan shakes his head and Adam kisses him just by his ear and then everyone in the circle is looking at him and the teacher is smiling at him so it means it’s his turn to say hello and say he doesn’t have parents. 

 

“This is my - Ronan,” Ethan mumbles into his lap, “an’ - an’ this is my big brother - an’ - an’ I don’t got p’rents but I’m Ethan.” 

 

“Hi, Ethan,” his teacher says, and everyone else in the circle says it too, and Adam kisses him again and then the teacher is smiling at the next person and no one is telling Ethan off for not having parents. 

 

-

 

There’s a boy by the door with his mum crying and a girl just outside with her dad crying too and Ethan is feeling braver because he isn’t crying but he also wants to cry a little bit because maybe he’s only feeling brave because Adam is still holding him and not saying bye just yet. 

 

“That was a fun first class, huh?” Adam says, “And Miss Monday was super nice, yeah?” 

 

“Mhm,” Ethan says, presses his face against Adam’s shoulder. 

 

“And you were having lots of fun with Jeremy, yeah?” Adam asks, “He could be a real nice friend.” 

 

“Mhm,” Ethan says. 

 

“Are you gonna be ok when we go?” Adam asks, “You’ll have heaps of fun, yeah?” 

 

“He will,” Ronan says. He’s standing next to Adam, one hand on Ethan’s back, the other on Adam’s, “because it’s math class next and I peeked at the schedule and Ethan is gonna rock it.” 

 

Ethan giggles. Adam kisses him. 

 

“Ok,” Adam says, “well. You listen to Miss Monday. And we’ll be back here at three to pick you up. Ok? We’ll come right here to get you.” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan says. 

 

“Ok,” Adam says again, “ok. I love you, buddy.” 

 

“Love you too,” Ethan mumbles. 

 

Ronan ruffles his hair. “Love you, bud,” he says, “see you soon, ok?” 

 

“Ok,” Ethan says. “Love you.” 

 

He’s put down then, and Adam and Ronan wave bye to Miss Monday and then bye to him and then they go out the door and Ethan can see them for a moment out the window and then they’re gone completely and it’s just Ethan and all these other kids who don’t know anything about magic or leaves or that Ethan doesn’t like yelling and his tummy feels real bad. He sits down and shuffles himself carefully over on his bum to where Jeremy is hiding in a bean bag because his mum and dad are already gone and gone and gone and his nose is running. Ethan has tissues in his pocket because Chainsaw likes shredding them and Adam likes people to be prepared and because Ronan sometimes makes floppy origami with them. He gives one to Jeremy. Jeremy takes it but just holds it. 

 

“Y’re meant to blow y’nose,” Ethan informs him, climbing up onto the bean bag too because it made a good rustling noise and bounced Jeremy up and down a little in a funny way. “‘Cos otherwise it gets all yuk.” 

 

Jeremy blows his nose. It honks a little which is funnier than the bouncing so Ethan giggles. Jeremy honks his nose again. 

 

“‘Anks,” Jeremy says. He gives the tissue back to Ethan. Ethan puts it back in his pocket. “Your Ron has funny hair.” 

 

“Ronan,” Ethan says, giggles again because sometimes Matty calls Ronan Ron and it makes Ronan roll his eyes and put on a weird voice and call Matty ‘Ginny’ and Declan ‘Percy’ and that makes Matty laugh and Declan roll his eyes too. “He does have funny hair.” 

 

“My ma says only real old people are bald,” Jeremy says. 

 

“So does my brother,” Ethan says, “bu’ Ronan ain’t old at all he’s only as big as my brother.” 

 

“Why did it all fall out then?” Jeremy asks. 

 

“Adam says because he swears too much,” Ethan whispers back. 

 

Jeremy looks at him, eyes wide, whispers; “what swears?” 

 

Ethan shakes his head, shrugs, lowers his voice ever more, “Poop?” he suggests, “and ass.” 

 

Jeremy gasps, then giggles. Ethan giggles more, but then quickly straightens up. 

 

“Bu’,” he continues, still in a whisper, “Adam says am  not allowed to say ‘ass’ yet because I’m too little but I’m am allowed to say poop.” 

 

“Once,” Jeremy says, “once I say-id...stupid.” 

 

Ethan laughs. 

 

-

 

Three pm happens a lot quicker than Ethan had been expecting, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t ecstatically happy to see Adam in the doorway with Ronan right behind him with a bag of doughnuts. He gets to ride of Ronan’s shoulders on the way home and eat the doughnuts up there with Chainsaw and gets crumbs on Ronan’s head while Adam asks him about his day and carries his bag. 

 

Adam sits down with him when they get home and looks at the book Ethan had come home with and they read it together and it’s super fun especially because Adam gets Ethan to read some of the difficulter words and Ronan makes them tacos and Ethan loves tacos because they’re messy and because Chainsaw loves them because they’re messy and because being messy means bathtime not shower time and bathtime means bubbles and splashing and that’s the best. Then it’s time to call Blue and Gansey and tell them all about school and then it’s bed time with another story and Adam stroking his hair and then it’s sleeping and listening to Ronan and Adam talk in the next room while they do the dishes. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll get you doughnuts on your first day of school too,” Ronan says. 

 

Adam replies but it’s washed away by the noise of clinking and water. 

 

“He’s totally fine,” Ronan says, almost too soft for Ethan to hear, “you’re doing good, baby.” 

 


	2. First date - Adam POV

It’s been a few months after everything went all inside out and upside down and then back to possibly what was supposed to be normal. Gansey and Blue were out together practicing normalcy by going on a date because they figured that if they’ve already killed/died for each other they may as well make it properly official, Noah was somewhere out with Persephone because they were walking the lines together on particular nights to find the nicest spot for solidity, Ethan was soundly asleep in his room - Chainsaw bundled in one arm, a ragdoll raven with sparkly buttons for eyes in the other, and Adam  _ had _ been sitting calmly on the couch finishing an essay. 

 

He had been, up until Ronan, in their bedroom fiddling around with writing digital music on his laptop, began cursing in a way that just didn’t seem related to music. 

 

“Oh motherfucking shit,” Ronan says, “how the actual hell - shit - Declan would have a fucking field day -” 

 

Adam spends a few moments of this swearing staring at his essay - so close to completion - and then puts his pen down, leaves his papers on the couch, and goes to find out what’s driving Ronan up the wall. 

 

Ronan is sitting cross legged on the bed, laptop in his lap, sprawled dramatically back over the pillows, hands on his face. 

 

“Dude,” Adam says from the doorway, “you good?” 

 

“I just had this stupid as shit realisation,” Ronan groans from beneath his hands. 

 

“Your shirt’s on backwards?” Adam suggests. 

 

“Matthew just fucking texted me,” Ronan says as if Adam hadn’t pointed out that his shirt actually is on backwards (and also inside out). 

 

“Ok?” Adam says. He crosses the room to sit on the end of the bed, leans over to look at the laptop screen even though none of the notations and little digital switches and shit made any sense to him. 

 

“He’s trying to figure out what he should suggest as a date because he has this massive crush on someone and he wants like - a perfect first date - and he just asked what we did on our first date.” 

 

“Ok?” Adam says again, gives up on looking at the screen. It’s all greek to him, and he only ever learned latin. 

 

“Parrish,” Ronan exhales loudly, finally peels his hands off of his face to gawp at Adam, “we never fucking  _ had _ a first date.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam says, frowns. “Well I mean. What about all the times we went out just the two of us? Driving? To get fries? That kind of stuff?” 

 

“Nope,” Ronan says firmly, “no. They don’t count because we never said they were dates. That was just… we were just doing life. We’ve never been on a date. I mean, Blue and Gansey do shit together all the time but they also have  _ dates _ like they’re seperate things, man!” 

 

This was true. 

 

“Ok,” Adam says, “so, like, you wanna go on a date then?” 

 

Ronan looks at him as if he’s an idiot. “Obviously,” he says. 

 

“Well ok,” Adam says, nudges Ronan’s knee, “what do you even wanna do?” 

 

Ronan’s hands go back over his face. “I dunno.” 

 

“I could come write my essay in here while you write your music?” Adam suggests, “We could call that a date?” 

 

“God,” Ronan groans from behind his hands, “you’re so fucking unromantic.” 

 

“Sorry babe,” Adam snorts, “writing essays on scientific equations never really puts me in a romance mood.” 

 

“I didn’t mean we should go on a date right this instant, you absolute shit bag,” Ronan says, drops his hands again and reaches for Adam, “I meant we should actually go on a date at some point and call it a date so that when my dumb ass brother’s ask shit like, ‘what did you do on your first date’ I can actually say something instead of realising we’ve never been on a date.” 

 

“Is that the only reason you wanna go on a date?” Adam teases, moving forwards to meet Ronan’s hand, lets him tug him down onto the pillows with him. 

 

“No,” Ronan says, presses his face against Adam’s jumper, “but it’d be a bonus.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam says, wraps his arms around Ronan’s shoulders, kisses him, “I’ve gotta go finish my essay. We’ll do a date. Talk about it later, ok” 

 

“Mhm,” Ronan says, “kiss me again, first.” 

 

-

 

It turns out that it’s harder than anticipated to figure out what exactly constitutes as a date, and then, what they are willing to do as a date. The simplest solution would be to just go out for dinner, or any meal, and call that a date, but it just didn’t feel…  _ them _ . Ronan had laughed at the suggestion when Gansey made it. Blue suggested they go yell at the sky because that suited them. Ronan suggested they do a double date and race in the Camaro and BMW. Gansey waves that suggestion off the table. Noah says gelato, and then scary movies, and then camping. Ethan says cookies, but that’s only because he’s trying to persuade Adam to give him one more before dinner. 

 

Adam says, ‘God, look. Gimme a week to finish mocks, and then I’ll take you on a date, ok, Ronan? Let’s just stop talking about it before Blue’s family try giving suggestions.” 

 

‘Too late,’ Blue had told them, ‘Orla says you should get couples massages.’ 

  
  


-

 

“Why won’t you just tell me what we’re gonna do?” Ronan grumbles a few days later while Adam’s tying his shoelaces, “It doesn’t make it more of a date just because it’s a surprise.” 

 

“So that we can actually go on it without having to argue about whether it’s a good date idea or not,” Adam replies, double knotting his boots and holding his hand out to Ronan for a hand up. Ronan hauls him up. “If I tell you you’ll have an opinion and Gansey will have an opinion and Blue will have an opinion and we’ll never end up actually going on a date.” 

 

“What if I promise not to argue?” Ronan tries, “We’ll go on whatever date you want.” 

 

“Not gonna risk it,” Adam tells him with a smirk, leans in to kiss him, “you’re not actually upset about not knowing, are you?” 

 

“If I tell you I am, will you tell me what it is?” Ronan asks, hooks his fingers into the belt loops of Adam’s jeans and tugs him closer. 

 

“Of course,” Adam says, “are you?” 

 

“No,” Ronan sighs, “you can keep your secrets, I guess.” 

 

“Good,” Adam says, kisses him again, “give Ethan a bath while I’m at work?” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan says, “you taking the BMW?” 

 

“Yup,” Adam says, “gotta go now. Love you,” he steps away from Ronan to open Ethan’s bedroom door - he and Noah and Chainsaw were having a tea party in there - “I’m off to work, baby,” he says, “I’ll be back to say goodnight in a couple of hours. Love you.” 

 

“Love you,” Ethan says, not looking up from his tea mug, “s’later.” 

 

-

 

Four days later and Adam was doing with his mock exams and Ronan was frothing at the mouth with curiousity and Adam was feeling like he should probably have just told Ronan the plan because now he felt like it was all just going to be a huge bit let down seeing as it wasn’t exactly the most exciting thing he could have planned but keeping it a secret had built it up into something else entirely. Oops. 

 

“I bet you all the fruit in my yogurt that they’re just gonna drive out to a field and make out,” Blue is telling Gansey when Adam gets in from his morning shift at Boyd’s. “Oh hi, Adam!” 

 

“Hey guys,” Adam says, drops Ronan’s BMW keys onto the pool table. “Get ready to eat a whole heap of soggy fruit, Gans,” he adds, crossing the room to get to the bathroom. “I’m just gonna shower.” 

 

“Ah,” Gansey says, “gotta get all sparkly clean for you date!” 

 

“First impressions matter!” Blue chimes in. 

 

“Don’t forget to brush your teeth!” Gansey adds. 

 

“Clean behind your ears!” Blue reminds. 

 

“Shut the heck up, idiots!” Ronan yells from behind a closed door, “You’ll wake Ethan up from his nap!” 

 

Adam hears some comment about how Ronan’s yelling was more likely to do the waking, but he’s turned the shower on now and the words are all muffled. He showers in relative peace for about four minutes, and then the door opens and a sleep crumpled Ethan shuffles in - raven teddy dangling from his hand - Chainsaw was out hunting. 

 

“Hey buddy,” Adam says, “you have a good nap?” 

 

“Dreamed I was an nelly-phant an’ Chains’aw ate me,” Ethan yawns, “an’ then she poopered me out in’na egg an’ I was all - HA SURPRISE!” 

 

“Oh wow,” Adam says, scrubs a flannel over his face, “that’s really funny!” 

 

“I know,” Ethan says smugly, crossing the room, “I’m gettin’ in.” 

 

“Uh -” Adam says, then shrugs, “ok. You gotta leave Jigsaw out though, ok?” 

 

“Chains’aw gets in the bath wi’ me,” Ethan protests, but props the bird up on the counter before tugging his t-shirt and shorts off, “pick me up.” 

 

“Please,” Adam reminds him. 

 

“Pleeease,” Ethan says, yawns again, as he climbs into the tub and presses his face against the side of Adam’s thigh, arms up. Adam picks him up. 

 

“Gans is gonna take you to the park this afternoon, yeah?” Adam asks, picking the soap up again to give Ethan a quick wash while they were at it, “Teach you how to play softball?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan says, lifts one arm up so Adam can soap it up, “wi’ ‘Lue an’ No.” 

 

“Sounds fun,” Adam says, shuffles them around so Ethan is more under the water stream. 

 

“Wanna come on th’ date wi’ you.” Ethan tells him. 

 

“Ah,” Adam says. He had been expecting this. 

 

“Gans says it’s all gonna be cuddlin’ and I want cuddlin’ too.” 

 

“You can’t come on the date with us,” Adam tells him straight out, “but I’m givin’ you cuddles right now, and I’ll give you more cuddles when I get back too.” 

 

“Why come?” Ethan asks. 

 

“‘Cos,” Adam says, shifts Ethan from one hip to the other to let trapped suds wash off, “me and Ronan are having some special alone time just for us. And if you came too, it wouldn’t be me and Ronan alone, would it?” 

 

“Ugh,” Ethan says informatively. 

 

“Ok?” Adam asks, shifts Ethan back to the first hip so he has his right hand free to scrub at the back of his neck where he’s pretty sure he smeared some oil.

 

“‘Kay,” Ethan grumbles. 

 

“Good,” Adam says, “help me wash my neck?” 

 

-

 

“It that a picnic in the backseat?” Ronan asks, all but vibrating in the passenger seat of the BMW. He hasn’t even done up his seatbelt. 

 

“Belt,” Adam says, then, “it’s burgers for lunch, yeah. And fries.” 

 

“Amazing,” Ronan says, buckles himself in, “where are we going? To a flower filled field? It’s the wrong time of day for a sunset picnic.” 

 

“Just chill,” Adam says, “it’s not that exciting, honestly.” 

 

“Babe,” Ronan says, “you’re in the driver’s seat, the whole car smells like oil and grease, we’re going on a  _ date _ , it’s fucking exciting.” 

 

Adam considers him for a long moment, then leans across the seats to kiss him hard before straightening back up and taking off the handbrake. 

 

“Ok,” he says, “you wanna choose the music?” 

 

“Babe,” Ronan says. 

 

-

 

They drive for a good half hour, until Henrietta is disappeared behind hills and trees and turns and they’re driving along a long flat road. It used to be a highway, but a new one had been put in a few miles east that was a lot more direct so barely anyone drove this way anymore. 

 

“If your date plan is for a nice hook up on the edge of an abandoned road,” Ronan yells over the raucous music, “I’m down for it.” 

 

“God,” Adam snorts back, “you’re too easy. I dunno why I’m worried.” 

 

“Is that what we’re doing?” Ronan asks, turns the music down a bit so the yelling doesn’t have to happen, “Did I guess it?” 

 

“No,” Adam says, checks his rear view, squints at the road in front of him, turns the music back up, and presses his foot down on the accelerator. “Keep an eye out for other cars.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan says, voice almost lost behind the drums, then, louder, “hell yes, fucking shit, Adam.” 

 

Adam would quite, very much, like to be watching Ronan watching him right now, but,  he might be driving faster and faster with every passing second, but he wasn’t going to be completely reckless by taking his eyes off the road. Never mind how empty and straight it was. He breathes evenly and straightens his shoulders as he changes gear, as the car rumbles happily underneath him, as Ronan swears. 

 

He figures it’ll take him about five minutes at the speed he’s going to reach his road limit. After that five minutes the road would get windier and more peopled and he wasn’t going to risk that shit. He does risk a quick glance at Ronan, whose face is wild and alight, grins at him, and speeds up the little more he can. Ronan swears again. 

 

Adam hasn’t practiced this a lot, but he’s always been very good at driving, always picked car stuff up quickly, and when they near the end stretch, he double, triple, quadruple checks for other traffic, and then spins the car in a series of squealing doughnuts. 

 

When he cuts the engine off, after pulling off the side of the road in a cloud of dust, the only sound in the car is his own pants and Ronan’s soft swearing. He’s barely looked away from the dashboard when Ronan is climbing the fuck over the gear stick and into his lap. 

 

Adam darts his hand down to his side to push the seat further back, and then up to grab Ronan by the hips as Ronan settles down on him like a ball of electricity. 

 

“Holy fucking shit,” Ronan says, basically straight into Adam’s mouth - as if he can’t stop himself from trying to kiss Adam even while he’s talking, “babe, that was so -” he cuts himself off because the kiss is happening properly now and Adam’s put his tongue in Ronan’s mouth. 

 

The kiss is a little wild, a lot of teeth and probably too much spit, and Ronan’s hands are jittering up and down Adam’s body like all of the suddenly cut off acceleration had escaped into him. Adam feels that way too, like he’d turned the car off but he was still travelling too fast. He’s still wearing his seatbelt, which is irritating, but doesn’t deter him from dragging Ronan closer to him, from grabbing his ass, from sliding his hands up under Ronan’s shirt and digging his nails into the muscles of Ronan’s back. 

 

“Holy shit,” Ronan repeats, “you’re so fucking hot.” 

 

“You’re welcome,” Adam mumbles, difficult to speak while you’re being smothered in kisses and our boyfriend is attempting to taking your shirt off without taking your seatbelt off first and without stopping the kiss. “Backseat” 

 

“Fuck,” Ronan says, kisses him harder. 

 

“For the burgers,” Adam reminds him, “before they get even colder.” 

 

“Fuck the burgers,” Ronan grumbles, fumbles around by Adam’s hip and unbuckles him, “you’re the only fucking thing I want my mouth on right now.” 

 

“Baby,” Adam says. It’s very tempting to stay exactly where they are, to jerk his hips up against Ronan’s as Ronan grinds his down, to help Ronan take his shirt off. But. His stomach growls. “I’ve not eaten since breakfast - if we keep making out like this I’m actually just gonna accidentally eat you or some shit.” 

 

“Kinky,” Ronan says, keeps kissing. 

 

“That’s a kink we’re keeping out of the bedroom,” Adam snorts, tips his head back and up to encourage Ronan to suck at his neck instead. 

 

“We’re not in the bedroom,” Ronan points out, bites at Adam’s neck instead of sucking it. Adam gasps, but not in pain. 

 

“Asshole,” he says, “c’mon. Burgers.” 

 

“ _ I’m _ the asshole,” Ronan huffs, but opens the driver’s side door of the BMW and topples out obligingly enough. Possibly too obligingly because he keeps holding out to Adam and therefore drags him out as well causing the both of them to simply fall right into the dirt and scrub. 

 

“Yes,” Adam snorts, head in a bush, “you’re the fucking asshole.” 

 

“Well,” Ronan says, wriggles himself out from under Adam and right back on top of him, “yeah. I am.” 

 

Adam lets himself be persuaded back into kissing - not that the persuasion can really be counted as proper persuasion when all it takes is Ronan kissing him and then Adam is kissing him back. His planned date hadn’t actually involved rolling around in the dirt with their tongues in each other’s mouths and Ronan’s hand down the back of his jeans but he’s not actually complaining. He’s always down for a change of plans when it involves Ronan. So long as the change of plan also involves Ronan. He is really hungry though, and he’s just not quite horny enough to cover how hungry he is. 

 

His stomach grumbles again. This time Ronan laughs at him, rolls off of him, rubs his hand up under Adam’s shirt over his stomach. 

 

“Shit, man,” he says, “I didn’t know this was gonna be a threesome. You, me, and the monster in your belly.” 

 

“That’s not funny or clever,” Adam tells him archly, kind of wants to roll right back over so he’s the one on top of Ronan. But the burgers. “I got you that disgustingly greasy fried chicken burger you like so much, c’mon, let’s eat.” 

 

“Dates don’t need to include food, y’know,” Ronan points out, but clambers up onto his knees, and then stands up. 

 

Adam grabs onto Ronan’s knee and pulls himself up as well. “I know,” he says, “but dates that fall over lunch time do need to if you don’t want your boyfriend to become your boyenemy.” 

 

“That’s not funny or clever,” Ronan mocks back at him, holding the car’s back door open for Adam to climb in. 

 

“It kind of is,” Adam says over his shoulder. 

 

Ronan smacks his ass, closes the door, walks around the car, opens the other side, and climbs in. “If that was funny, then my belly monster comment was funny too.” 

 

“No,” Adam says, hands Ronan his burger. 

 

“Yah,” Ronan says, takes the burger, “I saw you grin at it.” 

 

“Whatever,” Adam groans, “you’re sometimes accidentally funny. Eat your burger.” 

 

Ronan eats his burger. He steals a slice of avocado from Adam’s burger. He feeds Adam fries which Adam would not allow if they were in public because that’s gross but in private he can’t deny that he likes it because Ronan’s fucking cute sometimes. 

 

After the burgers are finished, and all the fries are gone, and Adam’s brushed the crumbs off of the car seat onto the car floor, he’s the one to climb into Ronan’s lap this time. 

 

“Let’s nap,” he says, and Ronan rolls his eyes at him. 

 

“You seriously wanna nap?” Ronan asks, rubs his thumbs over Adam’s hipbones, “We can fucking nap if you wanna nap.” 

 

“I’m full and warm,” Adam says, presses himself down harder against Ronan, “I definitely wanna nap.” 

 

“We should be horizontal for napping,” Ronan says. 

 

“God, you think you’re so fucking smooth,” Adam snorts, pushes at Ronan’s shoulders. 

 

“Just pointing out the obvious,” Ronan says, letting himself be nudged horizontal, “just trying to be helpful.” 

 

“Let me be helpful,” Adam says. 

 

-

 

They drive back to Monmouth before evening because it’s Ronan’s turn to cook dinner tonight, and because Adam promised Gansey he’d help him with his prep for his last mock exam, but when they pull up in the parking lot Adam has zero desire to get out just yet because that means that date is over and it turns out he really, really likes dates. 

 

“This was fun,” Adam mumbles to the steering wheel. “I had fun.” 

 

“This might be a first date, Parrish,” Ronan groans, “but we’re not new to this. You don’t need to get all shy.” 

 

“I’m not,” Adam retorts, “I’m just -- I had a lot of fun.” 

 

“Well good,” Ronan snorts, “seeing as you planned the date.” Adam shoots him a scowl. “I had fun too,” Ronan adds, softer, “I had - fuck, baby. That was great. Ok? I loved it. I love you.” 

 

“We should go on dates more often,” Adam says, unbuckles himself, “I like spending time with you where it’s specified you and me time.” 

 

“Nerd,” Ronan says. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam agrees, “I love you too.” 

 

“Can our next date be like… identical to this one?” 


	3. Is this a proposal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone who asked for proposals/weddings!

It was a recurring theme. Or joke. Or not joke. Adam knows it’s not a joke, even when it’s said all jokey like, even when Ronan elbows him and waggles his eyebrows afterwards. It’s not a joke. Even if brushing it aside as a joke is sometimes easier. That’s not what it is. 

 

-

 

Ronan drops out of Aglionby pretty soon after they finish up with the whole demons and sacrificing and dying and coming back to life thing. It’s not exactly a surprise when Ronan tells him - late at night, head under the covers - because it wasn’t exactly like Ronan even went to school much, and he obviously hated it. Maybe he’s a little bit disappointed because he knows how clever Ronan is, and he knows that if Ronan  _ tried _ , or maybe if he wanted to try, he could get amazing grades all the time, and well. Adam isn’t going to pretend he doesn’t like the idea of being with someone with a fancy degree or something, but. Ha. He likes the idea of being with Ronan about four hundred percent more than any of his previous fantasies. Anyway. He tells Ronan that it’s his decision, and that he’ll back Ronan whatever he does, and all that crap, and kisses Ronan through the sheet until Ronan pulls himself out from it and kisses him back. 

 

Gansey is perhaps a little less enthusiastic - certainly no sheet kissing. He puts up a bit of a fight. A weaker fight than he might have put up a few weeks before. He points out that Ronan is so close to finishing. He points out that it would mean so much to him if Ronan finished, it would mean so much to Ronan’s mum, to his dad. Ronan points out that he hates Gansey saying that and then he goes for a drive and Adam comes home from work to a very stiff Gansey and it’s a bit of a  _ thing _ for a few days but then Ronan and Gansey apologise and it isn’t a thing anymore and Ronan drops out properly. 

 

Anyway. Anyway. Ronan drops out of school. He has plans to spend more time at the Barns, doing it up, getting Opal used to being a dream thing not in a dream, trying to wake sleeping cattle. Which is cool. It’s cool. About a week after he drops out he suggests that he could take Ethan with him. 

 

-

 

“Hm,” Adam says around his toothbrush. 

 

“Probably not every day,” Ronan amends, pulling himself up onto the counter, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, toothpaste foam flicking out onto Adam’s t-shirt. “‘Cos sometimes I’m gonna be doing some more physical shit and I wouldn’t be able to keep a proper eye on him, stuff like that, but I could take him like - like three out of five weekdays?” 

 

Adam spits his toothpaste out. 

 

“Baby,” he says, rinses his mouth, “are you suggestin’ this because you wanna spend half your week babysitting, or ‘cos I was worrying about my lack of time to look after Dana’s lawn?” 

 

“Both,” Ronan says, “anyway,” he adds, spits his own toothpaste out, narrowly missing Adam’s hand, “you said - ages ago now - that it’s not babysitting, I mean - it’s not a job. I love hanging with buddy, you know that. I’d be more than happy to have him with me at the Barns. I think he’d like it too.” 

 

“He’d love it,” Adam agrees, rinsing his toothbrush, “but y’know what I meant when I said that looking after Ethan wasn’t a job for me.” 

 

“What did you mean?” Ronan prods. 

 

“I meant,” Adam says, “Ethan’s my brother. He’s not a job or anything. You don’t - y’know? It’s different when it’s not - I mean.” 

 

Ronan’s brow suddenly furrows, his shoulders hunch. 

 

“Huh,” Ronan says, puts his toothbrush in the rack, “well. Cool ok. Good talk.” 

 

Adam wants to say, ‘Oh c’mon, baby’, but that feels wrong, so he doesn’t say anything as Ronan leaves the bathroom. He puts his toothbrush in the rack right next to Ronan’s, rinses his face, puts the toilet seat down to prevent toddler mishaps in the middle of the night, and follows Ronan back to their bedroom. 

 

Ronan is already under the blankets, light off. 

 

“Ronan,” Adam says, not at all willing to let this be a thing that festers. “I wasn’t saying you’re not my family. I was saying you’re not obligated.” 

 

Ronan makes a noise that could probably be spelled;‘Tstch’. 

 

“Ronan,” Adam says again, makes his way through the dim room to climb onto the bed, shoving at Ronan’s side with his knees to make room for himself, tugs at the blanket, “Ronan. You. You are my family. Ok?” 

 

“God, Adam,” Ronan groans, rolls over to give Adam the room, and rolls more to face him as Adam lies down next to him, “why are you some dumb sometimes?” 

 

“I use all my smarts up on essays,” Adam says, “wanna expand?” 

 

“I know Ethan isn’t my  _ obligation _ or whatever the fuck,” Ronan hisses, belays his hissing by wrapping his arm around Adam’s waist and tugging him closer, “but actually - nah. No. He is my obligation. I thought I’d made that pretty clear already? You and me? Being a fucking team and shit. If he’s your main priority, he’s mine too. I wanna look the fuck after him. Also I wanna let him stomp around in the fields when they get fucking muddy.” 

 

Sighing, Adam pushes himself closer, “I love the ass out of you,” he grumbles against Ronan’s neck, “and yeah. I think it’d be super cool if you took Ethan with you. Yeah. Maybe half the time like you said. But it’s just -” 

 

“Oh, c’mon,” Ronan groans, “just nothing.” 

 

“Just something,” Adam insists, “just that you  _ know _ how much work it can be to look after a kid all day. Do you really wanna commit yourself to doing that while also doing shit at the Barns?” 

 

“If I hate it,” Ronan says, “we can work something else out, right?” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam says. 

 

“Anyway,” Ronan says, “it’s good practice.” 

 

Adam snorts, “Practice for what?” he asks.

 

“Being a good house husband,” Ronan replies, voice suddenly slightly tighter as if he’d just realised he was saying something he hadn’t meant to say, “staying home with the kids or whatever.” 

 

The room is very quiet for about half a minute. Quiet enough to hear Gansey snoring in the room over. 

 

“Kids?” Adam asks, well aware he sounds a little strangled, “As in multiple?” 

 

“Thank fuck that that’s what you’re hung up on,” Ronan moans, “geez, you had me shitting my fucking pants.” 

 

“You’re not wearing pants,” Adam points out, and then is struck by something that’s very similar to shock, “oh - hey - wait - what? That wasn’t a - that wasn’t a proposal right?” 

 

Ronan shoves him. Adam hangs on tightly. 

 

“It wasn’t,” Ronan grumbles, “you  _ said _ a couple of years. It’s only been a few months. I’m not incapable of counting just ‘cos I dropped out of school.” 

 

“I know,” Adam mumbles, “just. Well. Y’know.” 

 

“Y’know,” Ronan mocks back, sarcasm attempting to cover up the still blatant relief in his voice. “That was just, like, testing the waters. I guess.” 

 

“Testing the waters?” Adam presses, “For what? For me changing my mind about how I feel about you?” 

 

“Yes,” Ronan huffs, “yes. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re fucking young.” 

 

“You’re young too,” Adam points out, “and I’m not gonna fucking change my mind. I’ve told you - you know what I’ve said. You know what I want.” 

 

“I’m not changing my mind,” Ronan replies immediately. 

 

“This whole conversation feels pointless then,” Adam says, and then rolls his eyes at himself and reshuffles himself around so he can gather Ronan more in his arms. “Ok, no. I wanna marry you still, yes. I’m sorry if I haven’t been, like, clear about that lately? It’s still a surprising thing to hear you just  _ say _ though. House husband. Kids. Kinda fucking scary to just pop on me in a freaking dark room.” 

 

“You’re so weird,” Ronan says, then, “sorry.” 

 

“It’s fine,” Adam says, “come with me to Dana’s tomorrow morning and we’ll suggest it to her then, yeah?” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“If you want.” 

 

“I want,” Ronan says, kisses Adam on the cheek, “thanks.” 

 

“Don’t be a dip,” Adam says, kisses Ronan back. 

  
  


-

  
  


It would have been exceedingly unrealistic, Adam knows, to think that moving out of Henrietta and going to a dream university, and living in his own apartment with his boyfriend and his brother would solve all his problems, and/or, stop him and Ronan from arguing. It’s not that they argue a lot, or super badly, it’s just that they’re both argue-y people, and sometimes they argue for fun, and sometimes they argue because they’re both assholes. Today is for the latter reason.    
  


“I thought we were fucking past this,” Ronan snaps, which is really where the argument begins properly. Until he said that it had only been a spat. “You’re really still hung up on this shit?” 

 

Adam spends exactly five seconds beginning to count to ten in an effort to even his emotions, and then decides to just toss his therapist’s suggestions right out the window. 

 

“Oh, I’m so shitting sorry I’m not willing to be a backseat driver in my own life. Is that an inconvenience to you?” 

 

“Fuck, Parrish,” Ronan groans. He’s going to say something else, his mouth is still open, but Adam’s angrier, so his mouth moves quicker. 

 

“We’ve talked about this before. I’m not ok with you just buying shit like this without running it by me first. This isn’t just… groceries, or like, taking Ethan out for icecream, or whatever. I’m fine with that. But I’ve  _ told _ you that if it’s expensive - shit - if it’s  _ expensive  _ then -” 

 

“Parrish,” Ronan interrupts, “I fucking know your feelings on money and all, I remember our conversations. That was like, months ago now, fuck. It’s a fucking gift, alright? A gift? That makes no dent on your finances. God.” 

 

Adam has the strongest urge right now to just march to the bathroom and stick his head in the sink with the cold water running, but he doesn’t want to go to bed with damp hair. He finishes the other half of counting to ten instead, very aware that he shouldn’t have thrown it out the window earlier. 

 

“It feels like you’re being purposefully obtuse,” Adam says through gritted teeth. Ronan scoffs at him. He’s very glad there’s a whole room in between their bedroom and Ethan’s because he doesn’t want Ethan overhearing this spat gone feral. “Why are you being like this right now?” 

 

“Why am I buying you a new computer?” Ronan spits back, “Because your old one pisses you the fuck off. I know you don’t like shitting gifts, God, but I thought you could get over your pride for like, half a moment, to appreciate that you need it and I can give it to you.” 

 

“That’s not what I’m pissed off about!” Adam snaps, has a moment of very pure clarity as he realises actually exactly what he is pissed off about. Well. He is pissed off that Ronan has bought him such an expensive present without asking, that wasn’t false, it just wasn’t the main thing. 

 

Ronan glares at him. He’s standing all hunched over by the closet doors, as far away from Adam on the edge of their bed as he can get without leaving the room. 

 

“Sure it isn’t,” Ronan says. 

 

Adam has exactly zero desires to continue this fight, so, he presses his bare feet against the cold of the wood floor, focuses on feeling grounded, and present, focuses on what he knows he’s more upset about. Doesn’t know how to start this off without sounding like he’s about to compare Ronan to the worst possible thing. 

 

“Back in Henrietta,” Adam says to his feet. Something must have changed in his voice, because Ronan’s breathing immediately changes too. “Back at the trailer. Dad was in charge of finances, y’know? He - he took mum’s paycheck, and most of mine, and he’d give us - he’d give the  _ household _ a certain amount to like… buy food or whatever. But he was in charge so.” 

 

He stops a moment because Ronan’s come to sit at the foot of the bed. Not close enough to touch, just close enough to lend support if Adam needed it.

 

“He’d just buy whatever shit he wanted, whenever he wanted,” Adam says, pushes it out through his teeth, “alcohol. A new tv. Porn. Shit that he didn’t need as much as we needed food money. So it’s not - babe,” he says quickly, because he needs to make sure Ronan doesn’t think he’s accusing Ronan of being this cruelly thoughtless, “babe, I know you’d never do shit like that, ok? I know. I’m not - just listen. Theoretically I know that we - you - we have enough money to get stuff like this but on the surface level it freaks me the fuck out because we didn’t talk about it and what if you’d bought it and we didn’t have enough money for rent? I just - it’s your money I don’t wanna be - be controlling - I’m just -” 

 

“My money is your money,” Ronan mumbles. 

 

“What I’m saying,” Adam says, because he really needs to just get to the point, “is that just the idea of our family being like that - uh - irresponsible with money - I hate the idea of that. I can’t - I can’t deal with not being in the loop.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan says, a lot calmer, a lot calmer, “ok. So it’s not because you feel… indebted -” 

 

“No,” Adam butts in, sighs, shakes his head as a half apology for interrupting, “it is still kind of that, but that’s not - it’s mostly the fact that us to be of - to both be aware of what larger purchases are being made. To both be in control.” 

 

Ronan is quiet for a long moment. Then he pulls his feet onto the bed and shuffles on his ass over to where Adam is, lies down on his back by Adam’s side and presses his face against Adam’s hip. “Ok,” he says, “you’re right. I say my money is your money but it’s - ok. Yeah I get it. I get it. I’m sorry.” 

 

Adam spends half a moment wondering whether he ought to try and clarify that he and Ronan were truly on the same page. He’s pretty sure they were. He pulls his feet back up onto the bed as well and shuffles around to curl around Ronan. Ronan puts his arm around him, his lips to his forehead, and speaks again. 

 

“We should join our bank accounts.” 

 

Adam spends another half moment thinking that maybe he really ought to have clarified that he and Ronan were on the same page. And then he thinks about it a little more. And then he thinks about what he wants. Now. In the future. He can feel a faint press of - of pride - or anger - or something else pissy in the back of his mind. 

 

“Ok,” he says, “we’d probably have ended up doing it pretty soon anyway. So ok. We could do it this weekend?” 

 

Ronan doesn’t reply. Adam pulls back a little so he can see if Ronan’s expression is saying what he’s not saying anything. It very much is. 

 

“You really thought I’d put up more of a fight, huh?” Adam says. Ronan snorts. 

 

“Yes,” he says, “why aren’t you?” 

 

“Do you not want to join them, after all?” Adam asks, Ronan shakes his head vehemently. “Like I said,” Adam continues, “we were almost certainly going to soonish anyway. So like. We may as well.” 

 

Ronan’s eyes are narrowing, his head tipping to the side. 

 

“It’d happen soon anyway?” he repeats, slow. Adam nods. “Are we getting married soon?” Ronan asks then, “is this is your idea of a proposal, Adam, it’s not as romantic as I need it to be.” 

 

Adam snorts now, shoves Ronan’s shoulder. 

 

“It’s not the proposal,” Adam says, “c’mon. I’m just saying - we’re gonna - we both know we’re gonna get married in the future. So. That’s soon. Isn’t it?” 

 

“Soon as in a couple of months?” Ronan says slowly, “Or a couple of years?” 

 

“Oh God,” Adam says, “no. A couple of years. Right. Sorry. Like, not so soon soonish.” 

 

“Ah,” Ronan says, “God.” 

 

“Right,” Adam says, “well. Thoughts on bank account this weekend?” 

 

“Sounds good to me,” Ronan says, “and listen. I definitely need flowers for when you propose.” 

 

“Well,” Adam says, “I need chocolates when you propose.” 

 

“Well,” Ronan says, “I need kissing right now.” 

  
  


-

  
  


“So,” Ronan says, or, yells. 

 

He’s in the kitchen when Adam gets home and doesn’t appear to think the distance between them ought to stop him in whatever dramatic thing he’s about to say. Adam knows it’s going to be dramatic because this is Ronan and Ronan doesn’t bother with ominous greetings of ‘so’ for boring things. Adam hangs his jacket up. 

 

“Gimme a minute,” he calls back to the kitchen, “I need to go piss.” 

Ronan replies in a groan, but doesn’t leave the kitchen. Adam has to assume it’s because he’s in the middle of cooking, not because he’s not willing to interrupt Adam’s bladder needs for his drama. 

 

Adam goes for a piss. Then he stops by Ethan’s room. 

 

“Hey, buddy,” he says, poking his head around the door, “what you up to?” 

 

“Readin’ for school,” Ethan says into the book he’s holding way too close to his face, “if I finish it all tonight an’ can tell Mr Doris abou’ it then I get a chocolate bar. I’d’ve read it all tonight anyway! Bu’ now I gotta ‘cause he says it’s peanut an’ berry an’ that’s my favourite.” 

 

“Nice,” Adam says, “good day at school?” 

 

“Mm,” Ethan says to his book, “s’ok.” 

 

“Just ok?” Adam asks. 

 

Ethan lowers his book enough to make a face at Adam, Adam makes a face back, Ethan laughs loudly, showing off the gaps in his teeth. 

 

“Hey!” Adam says, “Why didn’ you tell me you lost your tooth!” 

 

Ethan laughs more, and Adam pushes away from the doorway to drop himself onto the bed next to Ethan to tickle him. 

 

“I’ve been waitin’ all week for that tooth to drop!” Adam says around Ethan’s peals of laughter, “An’ you don’ even call me up in the middle of class to tell me about it?” 

 

“Ro said we should see how long it took y’to notice!” Ethan laughs back, squirming around until he can grab Adam’s hands to stop the tickling, “we’d a bet!” 

 

“Who won?” Adam asks, stops his tickling efforts, and rescues the book from under Ethan’s foot. 

 

“Me,” Ethan says, “‘cause it’s before dinner.” 

 

“Nice,” Adam snorts, ruffles Ethan’s hair, he needed a hair cut - but - it was kind of endearing having a small wooly child around. “What did you win?” 

 

“I get to pain Ro’s nails with the sparkly polish he keeps sayin’ he doesn’ like.” 

 

“Ahh,” Adam says, snorts again, “fantastic.” 

 

“When’s dinner?” Ethan asks then, currently his most common question, falling right after, ‘how come?’, and, ‘Do I have to turn the lights out already?’ 

 

“Uh,” Adam says, “I dunno. I’ll go check. Soon, I think.” 

 

“‘Kay,” Ethan says, scrabbling for his book again, “‘m hungry.” 

 

-

 

Back in the kitchen, Ronan is indeed standing over the stove stirring something. He has his hand on his hip and a manufactured unimpressed look on his face. 

 

“That was longer than a minute,” he points out. 

 

Adam scoffs, crosses the room to kiss Ronan on the cheek and then leans against his back, arms hooking around Ronan’s middle. 

 

“Well sorry,” he drawls, “I was just making sure you lost your bet.” 

 

“What?” Ronan says, then, “Aw shit. You already noticed?” 

 

“Yes,” Adam laughs, squeezes Ronan’s sides, “you dumbass. Of course I’d notice. That’s his first tooth! We get to do tooth fairy shit!” 

 

“Dweeb,” Ronan says, then, “ugh. Now I gotta wear the nail polish. The glitter is too big, it’ll just chip off and get on everything.” 

 

“You gotta suffer for love sometimes,” Adam says, “or for six year olds or something.” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ronan says, turns the stove element off. “So.” 

 

“So,” Adam agrees, leaning back so Ronan can turn around in his arms. “What’s so?” 

 

“I was chatting with Sarah and Kim after class,” Ronan says. He raises his eyebrows meaningfully at Adam as if this ought to mean something big. As if he didn’t always talk to Sarah and Kim after class because he was friends with them and they saw each other almost every day when they picked up their kids. 

 

“And?” Adam prompts. Ronan scowls at him. 

 

“And,” Ronan says, “they said that you picked Ethan up yesterday.” 

 

“Uh,” Adam says, “yes. I know. You know that too? Where are you going with this?” 

 

“Well,” Ronan says, “they said - they said you said you and Ethan were going shopping for a surprise present.” 

 

Adam rolls his eyes. Of course they said that. 

 

“For me,” Ronan adds, as if that wasn’t already obvious because Adam does remember what he did yesterday and what he said to people. 

 

“Yeah?” Adam asks. 

 

“It isn’t my birthday anytime soon,” Ronan presses, “and we’ve had our anniversary, so - so -” 

 

Adam is pretty sure he knows where this is going now. 

 

“Oh,” he says, “oh, babe.” 

 

Ronan bites his lip. 

 

“I didn’t go looking at or buying rings yesterday,” Adam says softly, hopes this isn’t actually a huge let down. “That’s not - you know I wanna be finished with uni beforehand.” 

 

“I know,” Ronan says. Shrugs. His face is impassive, which means he’s actually upset because he doesn’t bother hiding his expressions around Adam otherwise. “I was just wondering. Or like. Sarah and Kim were wondering. You know.” 

 

“Ronan,” Adam says, “you … alright?” 

 

Ronan snorts, then nods, then sighs and leans further into Adam’s arms. “Yeah,” he mumbles, “I guess I just - I don’t know. I got excited about it. I’m just. I’m really looking forward to it.” 

 

“Me too,” Adam says, rubs his face against Ronan’s stubbly chin, “me too. You know that, right? That I want that so much? That it is going to happen? You don’t feel like… I dunno. Like I’m stringing you along?” 

 

Ronan laughs properly now, not just a snort to hide other emotions. He shakes his head. “No,” he says, “I know you’re not stringing me along. Also, I know it’s my fault. I don’t want a long engagement. If I did, we could be engaged already. But no. I know. I know. I just - y’know. Emotions.” 

 

“I know,” Adam says, rubs his hands up and down Ronan’s sides, presses a kiss to Ronan’s jaw, and pulls back so he can see Ronan’s face to make sure Ronan was actually ok. 

 

“So,” Ronan says, “what was the surprise gift, then?” 

 

Adam glances over his shoulder first, to make sure the door was closed, then lowers his voice. “You gotta act surprised when you get it, okay? It’s Ethan’s idea and he’s looking forward to surprisin’ you.” 

 

“O-kayyy,” Ronan says slowly, “what -?” 

 

Adam screws his face up a little, shrugs his shoulders up, says; “It’s father’s day this weekend. And - look. He knows you’re not his dad, that we’re not his dads, or whatever. He knows that. But he - lots of the other kids at school are makin’ cards for their dads and stuff and he - he felt left out. So he made us a card. But he wanted to get you a present too. ‘cause . Well. You chose him.” 

 

Ronan’s face is back to impassive, but no matter how good he is at pulling a straight face he can’t keep his eyes from dripping. 

 

“Fuck,” Ronan mumbles, “shit that’s -” 

 

“If it’s too much,” Adam begins in a rush, but Ronan interrupts him in even more of a rush. 

 

“It isn’t,” Ronan says, “it isn’t. It’s - I’m so - fuck. I love you two so fucking much.” 

 

Adam grins, kisses him, “We love you too. And I’m - you know how grateful I am havin’ you here to help me raise him. So.” 

 

Ronan grins back, swipes at his eyes, kisses Adam, and then asks; “So what’d you get me?” 

 

“Nah,” Adam says, “that bit’s staying a surprise.” 

 

“Poop.” 

  
  


-

  
  


Ethan gives Ronan his half finished ring pop. Now. Usually Ronan would just take this dribbly ring pop and finish it without a second though, but this one was apple flavoured and he was strongly against apple flavoured things that didn’t actually contain apple. So he gave it to Adam. 

 

“Oh baby,” Adam gasps, “are you proposing?” 

 

“Is he what?” Matthew yells from the other room. 

 

Ronan cuffs Adam over the head. “Poop head,” he says. 

  
  


-

  
  


There are a lot of common denominators in their household. Ronan, Adam, and Ethan all love banana fish bacon pie, despite the looks of disgust from everyone around them. None of them seem to have any sense of personal space around each other. They all hate coconut because it tastes like God farted right in their mouths. They all get cranky and twitchy if they don’t get to go to the park or at least  _ touch _ a tree once a week. They all get nightmares. 

 

Ronan gets nightmares the most, which Adam doesn’t find at all surprising. His dreams will always be more volatile due to their inherent magic. It certainly didn’t help that he’d had to see so much fucked up shit to help fuel his dreams into nightmares. 

 

Most of the time Adam finds it easy enough to help guide Ronan out of these nightmares. Touch has always helped Ronan, closeness, even breathing. He presses himself firmly up against Ronan’s heaving chest or back, presses his palms to Ronan’s skin, his lips to Ronan’s skin, whispers soft careful words until the words find Ronan and lead him back. ‘Easy’ didn’t really mean  _ easy _ . It meant the actual process was something Adam could do with his eyes closed - and often did - but it was still always hard because it will always be hard to watch someone you love so viciously brought down with grief, even in dreams. Ronan comes back with tears most often, blood occasionally, and sometimes rips in his skin, but he always comes back. 

 

Adam knows that he is not so easily calmed as Ronan during a nightmare. Not because his nightmares were as violent, or as lively, as Ronan’s, but because Ronan’s natural instinct was to soothe with touch, and Adam’s natural instinct while in fear was to shy away from touch. It had taken too many nightmares ending with the both of them upset for them to figure out how to deal with his night terrors. It was Ronan sitting up in bed and tugging the blanket down from around Adam’s shoulders so he could move his arms freely. It was Ronan sitting nearby, but not hovering. It was Ronan resting just his fingertips against Adam’s skin while speaking quietly into the dark. It was Adam blinking his way back into awakeness with a shout on his tongue that could never leave it, and breathing heavily until his stomach was less tar, and rolling over to reach for Ronan. 

 

Neither of them liked to talk after these kind of dreams. Because it hurt. They still did occasionally, because Adam had dragged himself off to therapy a few months after moving, and his therapist had suggested that that could help, and Ronan had conceded Adam’s point that therapy wasn’t actual an evil invention made by freudians, and went as well, and his therapist agreed with Adam’s. So sometimes they talked afterwards. More often they just held onto each other and breathed and slept again. Sometimes they would talk the morning after, still in each other’s arms. 

 

Ethan’s nightmares had two forms. One form would find him crawling into Ronan and Adam’s bed in the very, very early hours of the morning - climbing into the bed from the bottom and squirming his way up in between the two of them. If either of them woke up properly at him climbing in, he’d tell them about the dream, and if they didn’t, he’d just go to sleep and usually he would have forgotten it by morning proper. 

 

The other was something Adam recognised more. It was the kind that froze him in his bed in his bedroom and told him that he couldn’t ask for help, and told him that there was so warm spot in Ronan and Adam’s bed for him, and told him that there was only anger and hurt outside his door, and told him his only option was to stay where he was huddled under his blankets and cry until he fell back asleep. He didn’t forget these dreams in the morning, and he’d tell Adam them when Adam woke him up. Sometimes, if Chainsaw was in the room during one of these nights, she’d go wake Adam or Ronan up, and the crying until sleep thing would be diverted by being held. Other times, when Chainsaw was out hunting, or exploring, or whatever dream ravens do in the dark, Ronan or Adam would hear the crying and go investigate themselves, and again, things would be alright. Still. 

 

This was one of those nights, although, Adam hadn’t realised at first. 

 

-

 

He’d woken up, and at first he had thought it was because the curtains were open a little and the moon was slicing a bright line across his face. Then he thought it was because Ronan wasn’t snoring. Then he realised it was because Ronan wasn’t in bed with him. He’d lain there for a while - the mattress next to him was still warm so Ronan couldn’t have been gone long - waiting for him to come back. When he hadn’t, he’d woken up a little bit more and understood why, had gotten up himself and made his way down the hallway. 

 

He can hear voices from Ethan’s room - Ronan’s soft voice, Ethan’s tear filled one - and he pauses by the ajar door, eyes closed. 

 

“-g’nna leave an’, an’, an’, all’lone, an’ I wasn’-” Ethan’s voice is saying, fading in and out of Adam’s hearing. It’s obvious from his tone that he’s recounting his dream to Ronan. 

 

Ronan says something too hushed to hear in response, and Ethan replies with a loud sniff and a ‘yes’, and there’s a shuffling and rustling of blankets that even with his eyes closed, Adam knows is Ethan clambering out of bed and into Ronan’s lap. 

 

“I know dreams can be so scary,” Ronan says, and now he’s speaking a little louder because he has his clear and calm ‘here are the facts’ voice on. “But these aren’t the kinda dreams we talk about with Seph and magic, are they? These are the dreams that are the silly lies kind. Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ethan mumbles. 

 

“‘Cause you didn’t have any power in the dream, did you?” Ronan asks.

 

“No,” Ethan mumbles. 

 

“So it was a lying dream,” Ronan reiterates, “and what do we say about lying dreams?” 

 

“Tha- tha’ they’re naughty and tryin’ t’make me feel bad but they got no powerer over me.” 

 

“And?” Ronan asks. Ethan sniffs again. 

 

“An’,” Ethan continues, voice halting, “it’s okay to be sad about’em ‘cause, ‘cause they feel bad, but I gotta know tha’ I’m ‘llowed to be loud Ethan an’ sad Ethan an’ happy Ethan.” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan says, “now - buddy boy. I’m not ever gonna leave you alone. Ok? And Adam isn’t ever gonna leave you alone. We’re always gonna be here to look after you.” 

 

“Bu’,” Ethan begins, voice very small, “bu’ what if - what if - Jerm’y’s mum’n’dad don’t talk anymore and - he don’t see his mum much anymore and so what if - what if -” 

 

After it becomes clear that Ethan isn’t about to be able to finish this ‘what if’, Ronan speaks up. 

 

“Sweetheart,” he says, “I know it’s sad and scary to hear about Jeremy’s mum and dad, and it’s sad and scary for Jeremy too, but when things are all settled down for his mum and dad he’ll get to see the both of them the same. Lots of silly stuff is happening there, but we’ve talked to his mum, he’s still gonna get to see her a lot.” 

 

Ethan doesn’t reply for a long moment, and then he says; “If you - if you and Adam… stop speakin’. Will you leave?” 

 

“We aren’t gonna stop speaking,” Ronan says, “we like talking to each other too much. Baby. Listen, Adam and I are gonna get married and stay together forever, and ever, and  _ always _ be here for you. No matter what. Ok?” 

 

“When y’re married,” Ethan whispers, “y’gonna be my… my p’rents?” 

 

“No,” Ronan says, “we’re still gonna be your brothers, but, we’re always gonna be your guardians. We adopted you, we aren’t gonna abandon you. Ok?” 

 

“Mhm,” Ethan says, “why’rn’t y’all married yet?” 

 

Ronan laughs then, and Adam, still out by the door, rolls his eyes. “‘Cause,” Ronan says firmly, “we wanna wait until you’re big enough to plan it for us.” 

 

Ethan laughs at him. Ronan laughs back a bit more. Adam pushes the door open. 

 

-

 

Half an hour later, back in their bedroom, Ethan is tucked in between them - already fast asleep again- and Adam is very awake. 

 

“Ro?” 

 

“Uh-huh.” Ronan says. His eyes are closed, his shoulders relaxed. 

 

“I wanna be married to you so bad.” 

 

Ronan’s shoulders aren’t relaxed anymore. His eyes are still shut though. 

 

“I know,” Ronan says, “me too, babe. God. So much.”

 

“Did you really mean what you said to Ethan?” Adam whispers over Ethan’s head, “The forever and ever bit?” 

 

Ronan scoffs, opens his eyes, meets Adam’s through the dim space between them. “Yes,” he says emphatically, “Yes, Parrish. I always have, and I always will. You  _ know _ that.” 

 

“I do,” Adam agrees, “I do. But it’s - it’s different knowing it and hearing it said at three am in the morning when you don’t even know I’m listening.” 

 

“I was pretty sure you were out there,” Ronan says, “but I - Adam. You gotta know I say it when you’re not listening to. Sometimes Blue hangs up on me because she says I’m too sickening with how much I love you. Like she can fucking talk.” 

 

Adam snorts, glances down at Ethan to make sure he is still thoroughly asleep and not deviously awake cataloguing down Ronan’s ‘fucking’. 

 

“I know,” he says, “sometimes I’m scared anyway, though. That you’ll - that you’ll realise that forever is a long ass time, and that we’re - that I’m a big ass package to take on.” 

 

“Your package is definitely big ass,” Ronan sneers, Adam gives him a pointed look, and Ronan concedes. “Babe,” he says, “forever is a terrifying concept. You know? It’s just got - yikes. It’s freaky as fuck. Sometimes when I fucking think about forever I end up hyperventilating. You know this, you’ve had to hand me the paper bag. But. When I think about forever   _ with _ you it is nowhere near as terrifying. In fact. It’s kind of awesome. I want you, and your big ass package, forever. Ok?” 

 

“If you’re gonna put this in your vows,” Adam says, “can we leave out the bit about my big ass package?” 

 

“Oh babe,” Ronan snorts, “my vows are literally only gonna be about your big ass package.” 

  
  


-

  
  


The day Adam graduates is nerve wracking for many, many reasons. For one, Adam keeps having dreams that he gets on stage and they realise that actually he isn’t meant to be there and he’s escorted off. Sometimes he’s escorted off by police. Sometimes he’s taken back to the trailer. Sometimes he’s escorted off to becomes the president of the world but that’s an outlier and should not be counted. 

 

Another reason this day is wracking multiple of his nerves is that he has been asked to speak at graduation and while he might be  _ good _ at talking to crowds now, he has never liked it, and he already has vague worries about tripping up as he crosses the stage, now he has to add on other stage worries, like knocking over the podium, or obviously spitting while talking, or - well. He wasn’t looking forward to it. 

 

A third reason, which really shouldn’t have been a reason, was that  _ so many people that loved him were coming. _ This obviously shouldn’t be a reason because, as aforementioned, these people loved him, and also, he loved them.  Almost all of Fox Way was coming, bringing Dana and Jules, and their girls with them. Aurora, Matthew, Declan, and Ashley were coming. Gansey and Blue were obviously coming. Noah would be there in  _ spirit _ . His friends from work had insisted on coming, Ethan’s  _ teachers _ were coming. It was. It was a lot. He had to get through the parade with all these people -and more - watching, and then he had to sweat through the ceremony, and then he had to cross the stage, and then he had to SPEAK to everyone and hope they didn’t find him pretentious or stupid or too full of ego, and then he had to  _ mingle _ during the afternoon tea. AND THEN. He had to mingle more because Ronan had insisted that they have a party afterwards and Adam had thought it was a good idea a month ago but now that it was today he wasn’t so sure he actually wanted a party to celebrate him, because, GOD, how braggadaccio can you get? 

 

-

 

The parade is fine. He carries a heavily scented bouquet that Aurora had handed him - freshly picked from her own garden - and he’s wearing a suit that he had bought with money he earned, and it fit well, and it looked good, and he was super looking forward to Ronan taking it off tonight because Ronan had told him that he was looking forward to it earlier that morning and now Adam couldn’t stop thinking about it. He manages to smile for photos while he walks, though he’s not really smiling for the photos. He’s smiling at Ronan walking alongside the parade, Ethan on his shoulders so he could have a better view, dog on leash, Chainsaw on Ethan’s shoulder. His own fucking family. His family. 

 

He doesn’t sweat too much during the ceremony, he doesn’t trip on his way across the stage, he manages to make his face smile for the official photos as he recieves his degree. He also doesn’t trip on his way back to his seat which was something he had been quickly anxious about on the way back to his seat. 

 

Neither does he trip as he crosses the stage a second time to stand at the podium. He can barely make out faces in the upturned crowd, but he still knows exactly where his family is because only one family decided it was a good idea to bring a huge heart shaped helium balloon  _ and _ a raven into the ceremony. He speaks at them. (He doesn’t trip on his back to his seat.)

 

Mingling is boring but also nice because everyone is so happy and congratulatory and all that, and because there are little lemon tarts and Ethan loves lemon tarts and it’s funny watching him and Chainsaw confer over the best plan to eat as many as possible. 

 

-

 

Ethan drives with Declan and Ashley and Matthew and Aurora back to the house, because Matthew is fun and Adam had asked if he could. 

 

“I don’t see why we couldn’t have asked someone else to pick up the pizza rolls,” Ronan complains as he does his seat belt up. 

 

They’re in Ronan’s BMW, but Ada’s driving because he can. He’s taken his robe and stupid hat off and tossed them in the back seat, but he’s still wearing his suit - obviously - and Ronan’s carefully holding the bouquet for him. 

 

“Because I forgot them,” Adam says firmly, “and I know I’m less likely out of all of our family and friends to get distracted and buy like… bags of sweets or weird herbs or something.” 

 

Ronan laughs. “This is true,” he says, “you shouldn’t have brought me with you then. ‘Cause now I wanna buy weird bags of sweets.” 

 

“I brought you with me,” Adam says, pulling the car onto the road, “because we’re not gonna get to spend any time just the two of us until like… late tonight. I wanted to grab a few moments of peace and quiet and you.” 

 

“You know peace and quiet  _ and _ me is an oxymoron, right?” Ronan shoots back with a grin. 

 

“You’re a moron,” Adam replies easily, grins back at him. 

 

“But not an ox?” Ronan asks, “Babe? Babe? Am I an ox? Am I oxy? Baby tell me I’m oxy.” 

 

“God,” Adam snorts, “you’re such a dumbass. Hush up.” 

 

“A dumbass you love,” Ronan retorts, “which really makes you the dumbass, huh?” 

 

“It really does,” Adam drawls. 

 

Ronan laughs a few moments more, fiddles with the flowers, and then says, “I’m so proud of you, y’know.” 

 

“Hush up,” Adam repeats. 

 

“I  _ am _ ,” Ronan insists, “you’re so fucking clever, and motivated, and hardworking, and I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud to be with you.” 

 

“Ugh,” Adam says, “babe.” 

 

“I fucking admire you a shit load, man,” Ronan continues staunchly - a little less staunch because of the ‘man’ - “I - me and Ethan? We’re so proud. We’re so - y’know you’ve never fucking let us down.” 

 

“Babe,” Adam says, pulls the car into the entrance of a small wooded park, “babe. Are you proposing right now?” 

 

“What?” Ronan says, “No. I’m not. I’m just - I need to let you know -” 

 

“Ok,” Adam says. Stops the car in the empty car park, facing a lake. “Good. I’m glad.” Ronan’s face falls slightly, and Adam shakes his head, undoes his seatbelt. “Gimme the flowers?” 

 

Ronan hands the flowers over and Adam takes them. He hasn’t turned the car off, just parked it. “Turn the stereo on?” he asks. 

 

“What?” Ronan asks, but does as he’s told, “Babe. There are no pizza rolls here.” 

 

Aurora had done a superb job attaching the ring to the stems of the flowers. Perhaps too good a job. Music fills the car around them - irish instrumentals - Ronan frowns at him over the flowers. The ring comes loose. Adam exhales. 

 

“I love you,” he says. Ronan continues frowning. 

 

“I love you too,” he says, “is this a quickie break before pizza rolls? Because it’d have to be a super quickie to get the rolls and get back home before anyone notices we’ve been ages -” 

 

“Ronan,” Adam snorts, shakes his head, thrusts the flowers into the back seat. He ought to have been a bit more careful, a few petals fall off, but he’s been nervous all day, and his hands are shaky, and the ring is in the open and his hands are shaky and the ring - 

 

“Ronan,” Adam repeats, holds the ring up. It’s nothing too fancy. A twisting gold band with deep set jewels. Beautiful but not flouncy. “Ronan,” Adam says because he feels like he needs to warm up to speaking again. Ronan says nothing. “I know I’ve made you wait a fucking long time,” Adam says, “but you know that I’ve wanted to marry you for years. I’ve - God. Shit. I had this huge speech planned about how  - how - how you’ve like - like shaped my life, and fucking helped me save my life and Ethan’s life and - but now I - fuck. My mouth is like putty.” 

 

“Adam,” Ronan says, “ _ shit _ , Adam. Are you proposing right now?” 

 

“Yes,” Adam says, clears his throat, “I mean. Yes. I - will you marry me?” 

 

“Obviously, you dick ass,” Ronan says loudly, “Yes. Duh. Of course. I’ll marry you. Yes. Fuck.” 

 

“I’m so glad I’m not filming this,” Adam says, “we’d have to censor like half of it before we could show anyone.” 

 

“I’m fucking glad you’re not filming it too,” Ronan snorts, unclicking his seat belt and leaning out of his seat towards Adam, “because we’d have to blur bits out too.” 

 

“Holy shi- wait, God, Ronan,” Adam snorts, not actually fending Ronan off in the slightest, “lemme put the ring on you first?” 

 

“Oh yeah,” Ronan says, draws back, and holds his hand out, “God. We ought to have some Beyonce going right now.” 

 

“She’s up next,” Adam says, focusing on keeping his hands steady enough to slide the ring onto Ronan’s finger, “hey.” 

 

“Mhm?” Ronan asks, lifting his hand up to look at the ring. 

 

“I love you so much,” Adam says, only vaguely awkward at having said this so many times already today, “thank you for waiting.” 

“Shit,” Ronan snorts, “you know I would have waited longer.” 

“Well,” Adam says, “we could hold off until after I finish the next couple of years if you like?” 

“Oh fuck no,” Ronan says, snatching his hands away, “fuck that shit. We are getting married. Wait. When are we getting married?” 

“Um,” Adam says, reaching for Ronan to tug him closer across the gap, “I was kinda thinking in a couple of months? At the Barns? We’ll all be on holiday, we’ll have a few months afterwards to like… go on honeymoon. Get used to being actually married before I start up at uni again.” 

“Ok,” Ronan says, “Ok. God. Good. Yes. I love that. How long do we have before we actually have to go get the pizza rolls? I wanna suck you off so bad right now.” 

Adam snorts. “Babe,” he says, “I got the pizza rolls last week. No one is expecting us to turn up with pizza rolls.” 

Ronan stares at him for a moment, then raises his eyebrows. “Ah,” he says, “so when we get back in like half an hour everyone in the house is gonna know we celebrated our engagement with car sex?” 

“Yeah,” Adam says, shrugs, “most likely.” 

“Fine with me,” Ronan says. 

  
  


-

  
  


It’s a small wedding, it has to be with only two months notice, but that is absolutely the way the both of them want it. 

They had to paper scissors rock over who got which best man, and then had to decided to take Blue’s advice and just have joint grooms men because why the hell not? They don’t do a stag party because neither of them are keen and they already had a party for Adam’s graduation, and also it would mean that Declan or Gansey or Blue would be the ones sorting the stag do and that is not something Ronan or Adam were going to let happen. 

Calla, among her many talents, is apparently also an ordained officiant, which is cheaper and much more fun than hiring some stranger to marry them, so. They have Calla marrying them, and Gansey and Declan and Blue and Matthew prepping them, and they have all of Fox way and Aurora decorating and cooking and pinching cheeks, and they have the Barns in full bloom as if they’d walked into a dream rather than a dream’s garden, and they have Ethan walking the both of them down the aisle, him in the middle holding both their hands, Chainsaw hopping a few feet behind because she hates being left out. 

They have the first kiss of the rest of fucking forever to the background of cheering and cawing and crying. 

The food is amazing. The music is great. The company is phenomenal. 

The morning after they help clean up, although Ronan had suggested they just gap it and start their honeymoon. Then they quadruple check that Ethan is happy to stay at the Barns with Aurora and Matthew for the week. Then they go into town, although Ronan suggests multiple times that they could just gap it and start their honeymoon. 

They drive the BMW through town, down the dirt driveway. They park. Ronan suggests gapping it. Adam kisses him. Ronan kisses him back. They get out of the car. Adam’s parents are at the door to the trailer before they are. 

Robert asks what the fuck they’re doing there. Adam doesn’t climb the stairs. He takes Ronan’s hand. Looks up at his mother. Tells her that he’s doing well, thanks, that he’s recently graduated with first class honours. That he’s got a good job. That Ethan’s doing amazing at school. That Adam just married Ronan just the other day, did she not get the invite?

 

Adam’s mother does not really reply. She looks away. Says she didn’t think she was actually wanted. Adam can not say that she was really wanted. 

He tells his parents that he just wanted to let them know. That leaving them had been the best fucking thing for their sons. 

Ronan and Adam gap it. They start their honeymoon. 


	4. A quick argument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearly teenage Ethan has a request that Adam doesn't really like.

Maybe Adam should have been expecting this. He knew what he was like when he was younger, more specifically, when he was suddenly a teenager and full of hormones and acne and legs longer than should be allowed. Maybe he had hoped that seeing as Ethan had been brought up for  (officially) the majority of his life in an atmosphere easier and kinder than the one teenage Adam had had to figure himself out in - maybe that would have made the whole thing easier.

 

The thing was though, Ethan wasn’t even a teenager yet. He was still four months shy of thirteen. He was always growing, up, and up, and up (he was going to overtake Adam, definitely. Maybe Ronan. He still had some years before that to go, though.), he’d even had his first forehead pimple, which he was so very displeased about. 

 

The thing was though, Adam had been waiting on this to happen for years. He thought it would happen when Ethan was six, when Ethan was eight, when Ethan was ten. He thought it would happen when he and Ronan stopped pretending like they were ever going to do anything else and got married. 

 

The thing was though, he wasn’t ready for this. 

 

_ This _ , being Ethan Parrish-Lynch, twelve years and eight months old, curly haired and freckled and healthy and happy, standing in front of them with their dog who was to big to be picked up in his arms, and a very firm expression on his face. Adam knew this expression very well. Partly because it was similar to the expression Ethan wore during tennis matches, and when playing video games, and also when he was debating things with Gansey and Henry. Mostly familiar because it was an expression Adam had worn often at that age when he looked at himself in the mirror. A ‘steeling yourself up’ expression. 

 

“What’s up, bud?” Adam asked, putting aside the case he was reading through, as if adopting a casual manner and showing how open he was to talking right now would solve all the problems he knew were about to land on his doorstep. He knew perfectly well what Ethan’s social studies teacher had assigned for homework. 

 

“I’ve been thinking,” Ethan said, in a very typical Parrish sort of way, which is to say, a tone of voice which implies that the speaker is ready to back and source his every word. 

 

Adam nodded encouragingly. 

 

“We go back to Henrietta a lot,” Ethan said, paused, shifted the dog (Fenris) in his arms, “but we never go into town any further than Blue’s.” 

 

“Nothing that much fun past there,” Adam replied. 

 

“I know it’s so we don’t bump into mum and dad,” Ethan said. 

 

Adam shrugged, there was no point in disputing that. “Is this about the genealogy assignment Ms Emory assigned you?” he asked, “You wanna go check out where you were born? I can take you right to the NICU unit if you want.” 

 

“Adam,” Ethan said, “I’ve been thinkin’. I wanna go see them.” 

 

Adam considered playing dumb, asking; ‘the doctors?’ 

 

“How come?” he asked instead. 

 

Ethan put Fenris down, “They’re our parents,” he said. 

 

Adam had always told himself he would be cool about this. Ethan had a right to want to see their parents. It was only natural. He didn’t remember most of what happened. He had always told himself he would take Ethan to see them if he wanted. 

 

“They are,” he said, exhaled carefully, “did you want to see them this weekend when we go to the Barns?” 

 

“Yes,” Ethan said, “do you think they’ll be busy?” 

 

Busy boozing, and yelling, and fucking shit up, is what Adam did not say. 

 

“I don’t know,” he said, “I reckon we’ll go into town and drop by to see.” 

 

“We can?” Ethan asked. 

 

He looked very much like he had expected more resistance here, like he had come ready to fight out his point of view. Ready to prove he had thought about this. Adam knew he must have thought it through a million times already. Knew he didn’t want to fight Ethan on this. 

 

“Yup,” he said,  turned back to his paperwork, “have you done your chores, yet?” 

  
  


-

 

He waited until after dinner (thai beef noodle), and after the dishes had been done (a Ronan and Ethan team effort), and after he’d gone over Ethan’s homework with him, and after he and Ronan had both said goodnight to Ethan, and after Adam had climbed into his own bed. 

 

“Ronan,” he said. 

 

Ronan was in the ensuite, toweling off after his shower, and only grunted in response. 

 

He needed more than a grunt. 

 

“Ronan,” he tried again. 

 

Ronan stuck his head around the door, droplets of water flying, “Babe?” 

 

“I need you to come here,” Adam said, patted the mattress beside him firmly, “like right now.” 

 

Ronan looked at him oddly, but then disappeared behind the door again - ostensibly to hang his towel up - and reappeared a moment later completely naked but mostly dry looking. He crawled onto the bed next to Adam. 

 

“I’m half inclined to think this is a come on,” Ronan said, “but now that I’ve said it out loud I can see it isn’t. What’s eating you?” 

 

“I’m definitely,” Adam mumbled disjointedly, reaching for Ronan’s shoulder, “definitely about to have a panic attack.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan said, “you want me to just hold you?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Adam huffed, tugging at Ronan until Ronan wrapped his arms loosely around him and lay them down on the mattress. 

 

He had gotten a lot better, over the years, at dealing with emotions, and trauma, and all that shit. Having a therapist to work it through with had been great. Having Ronan to work it through with had been amazing. He still couldn’t talk himself down from panic attacks sometimes, even if he could simply defer them to a later time. The best course of action when he couldn’t avoid it, was to simply hold on tight to an immovable object (Ronan), and ride it out while knowing he was safe and fine. 

 

He did so, pressing his forehead in hard against Ronan’s damp shoulder, his fingers gripping (probably painfully) at Ronan’s hips, his lungs heaving as he tried to reorganise his internal organs. Ronan simply breathed him through it. 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, not too long later. He kept his face pressed into Ronan’s skin. “Ok.” 

 

“Ok?” Ronan repeated, “you wanna expand on that, then?” 

 

“Ethan wants to see them” Adam said, whispered it, as if someone might be at their bedroom door listening. “He wants to - I said we could go visit them this weekend.” 

 

Ronan doesn’t reply immediately. Adam readjusts his grip on his hip, rubs at the skin he’d accidentally scratched while grabbing on to him. Maybe he should have tried to put off the panic until Ronan was wearing undies. 

 

“Well fuck,” Ronan finally said. He had been resting his hand on Adam’s lower back, but now he dragged it up to cup the back of his head, “well fuck.” 

 

“Well fuck,” Adam agreed, “I - I’m not keeping him from it. We always agreed on that. If he wants to meet them, he can. But I - maybe we could persuade him out of it.” 

 

“If you think that’s best,” Ronan said, which Adam knew translated to; ‘I don’t think that’s best, but I defer to you’. 

 

“I don’t know what I think is best,” Adam admitted, “all I know is that it makes me sick just thinking about it.” 

 

“Me too,” Ronan said, “you don’t have to see them though, babe. I can take him.” 

 

“No,” he shook his head, pulled his face away fro Ronan’s shoulder so he could look at him. “No. I can’t. You can come with but - but I think I need to go with Ethan.” 

 

“They’re not going to hurt him,” Ronan said softly, “and they’re not going to hurt you.” 

 

“I’m not so sure,” Adam said. 

 

-

 

The weekend hadn’t been long off when Ethan had brought this up, and it arrived all too soon. Adam knew that Ronan had informed Aurora about what they were going to do, and he knew that the ladies at Fox way knew - though he didn’t know if it was through psychic or grapeline correspondence. He had purposefully avoided thinking about it, talking about it, hearing about it. He knew Ethan wanted to talk about it a bit, he could see it on his face, but every time he started wearing his ‘can we talk about our parents’ face, Adam found he could not, and found something else to do very quickly. He didn’t like that. He didn’t think Ethan liked it either. 

 

The drive to The Barns wasn’t jaw achingly long, but it certainly felt that way in a car with a raven, two dogs, an almost teenager, and husband plus said teenager’s terrible taste in music. Ronan was driving, which meant that Adam only had two vetoes for music, and he’d already used them both in the first half hour - a rookie move. 

 

The cherry on top came during the third hour of the drive. It was Ethan leaning in between the two front seats and speaking over the music. 

 

“Do you think they’ll remember me?” he asked. 

 

Adam turned the music off. 

 

“Dad drank a lot but his memory isn’t that shoddy,” he said, “they’ll remember us.” 

 

“Do you think he still drinks?” 

 

“I wouldn’t put money on him having stopped,” Adam said to the window. 

 

“Would you say,” Ethan said conversationally, “that he was an alcoholic?” 

 

Adam exchanged glances with Ronan over Ethan’s head. 

 

“Yes,” Adam said. 

 

“Mr Rife,” Ethan said, “gave a lecture on alcoholism last semester.” 

 

“Mr Rife?” Ronan asked. 

 

“Substitute homeroom teacher,” Adam mumbled. 

 

“He’s gone now,” Ethan added, “he was only around for the one month while Ms Wright was away.” 

 

“Ah,” said Ronan. 

 

“Anyway,” Ethan said, “Mr Rife gave a lecture, during assembly, and he said that people with alcoholic parents are more likely to be alcoholic.” 

 

“That’s true,” Ronan said. 

 

“That’s why I don’t drink much,” Adam said, “it’s good to be careful around alcohol, anyway.” 

 

“Yeah,” Ethan said, “but like, Jeremy said his dad said that you’re only an alcoholic if you’re weak. So like, if you’re stubborn or whatever - like you - then you won’t be one.” 

 

“That’s not quite how it works, bud,” Ronan said. 

 

“Mr Rife also said,” Ethan continued, “that it was an illness. Alcoholism. And that we shouldn’t look down on people that have it. That we should help them.” 

 

“That’s true,” Adam mumbled, “to an extent.” 

 

“Why,” Ethan asked then, “have they never tried to get in touch with us?” 

 

Of course he was saving all these questions for this particular car ride. Adam felt like he was going to throw up. 

 

“I dunno, bud,” he said. 

 

“Because,” Ethan continued, “my friend Mandy was reading a book and she said in the book some parents left their kid behind by mistake and they spent years looking for him.” 

 

“Well,” Adam said, “they didn’t leave us behind by mistake.” 

 

“No,” Ethan said, “because you moved us out, yeah?” 

 

“Hey,” Adam said to Ronan, “pull over, I needa piss.” 

 

He did not need to piss. Ronan pulled over. Adam stumbled out of the car onto the side of the road, and then over the ditch and into the trees on the other side. 

 

Ronan was coming after him before he’d even found a good tree to lean against, so he leaned against Ronan instead. 

 

“Hey,” Ronan said. 

 

“Eight years,” Adam mumbled into Ronan’s jumper, “eight years and he barely has anything to ask about them and now. All at once. I know it’s not even that much - but it’s so much, Ro.” 

 

“It is a lot,” Ronan sighed, arms wrapping tightly around him, “we can ask him to tone it down a bit though. He’ll understand. We’ll give him some more back story.” 

 

“No,” Adam bit out, sighed, worked his hand under the hem of Ronan’s jumper so that he could feel the warmth emanating from Ronan through his t-shirt. “I want him to be able to form his own opinions. All he knows already is what we’ve said.” 

 

“He can form his own opinion on top of ones we give him,” Ronan pointed out. 

 

Adam shook his head again. 

 

“We’ve been peeing for too long,” he mumbled. “We should go back. Put him in the front with you? I need a nap.” 

 

Ethan was happy to go up front with Ronan and Chainsaw, and seemed content with dropping the subject for now in favour of turning the music back on. Adam didn’t really nap, he sprawled with Fenris and Hawke and kept his eyes closed, and considered how many ways tomorrow could go wrong. 

 

-

 

Aurora had cooked them a huge dinner, and had welcomed them with open arms and big hugs, and had taken Ethan out to the barns to see a baby lamb, and had made beds up for them, and - 

 

He couldn’t figure out why Ethan would want to go see their parents when he had this. He had people like Aurora, Maura, Calla, Persephone. He had plenty enough mother figures who loved him and doted on him. He had Ronan and Adam, Gansey and Henry and Noah, Matthew and Declan. Not quite father figures, sure, but, close enough. He had so much more family than Adam had ever had growing up, so much more love and care and connection. 

 

He understood the desire to understand, to know where you come from, but. When you already  _ know _ you come from something so awful your older brother  _ rescued _ you from it, why would you want to see it for yourself? 

 

“I feel selfish,” he told Ronan that night, after Ethan had gone to bed, and Aurora had gone to bed, and Adam and Ronan had decided to wander around the fields. 

 

They were talking and walking quietly, so as not to disturbing the sleeping lumps of cow. Ronan squeezed his hand in response, but didn’t speak because he knew Adam wasn’t finished yet. 

 

“They’re his parents, too,” he said to their booted feet, paused as they climbed over a stile, not letting go of Ronan’s hand as they did so. “But is it really so selfish for me to want him to not have to experience the same shit as I did?” 

 

“I don’t think it’s selfish,” Ronan said, “you know I don’t. You know that if I had it my way from the beginning, we wouldn’t ever have even mentioned them.” 

 

Adam scoffed. 

 

“And know that I’ve had time to mature, like you told me I would,” Ronan continued wryly, “I can see that it is better to have brought him up knowing where he came from.” 

 

“Maybe we should have told him more, though,” Adam sighed, “more about how awful it was. Put him off them.” 

 

“We didn’t,” Ronan said, “because we agreed that would be a little too traumatising.” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said, kicked at a clump of muddy grass. “I just… worry he’ll be disappointed tomorrow.” 

 

“In them, or us?” 

 

“I don’t know,” Adam said, snorted, kicked at the ground again, and then stopped abruptly so he could step in against Ronan’s chest. “I can’t believe they would have changed. Become people I want to know. But - if they have? Ethan’ll think we’ve been keeping him from  _ family _ all these years.” 

 

“He won’t think that,” Ronan said, pressed his lips to Adam’s temple, slid his hands around Adam’s waist under his jacket. “He trusts you. Loves you. Knows you only do what’s best for him.” 

 

“You know what is selfish of me, though?” Adam mumbled, nuzzling his face in against Ronan’s neck in an effort to get his cold cheeks against Ronan’s skin. 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“Since he asked if we could see them, I’ve been hoping - wishing - I don’t know. Wanting him to have a nightmare. Like the ones he had until he was six. About them. To remind him of how bad it was.” 

 

“That’s maybe a little selfish,” Ronan said, “but I get it.” 

 

“Also selfish?” Adam added, “Is that I’m… jealous he gets to forget it all, and I’m still stuck with all of these fucking indelible memories of everything they did to me. To him. To us.” 

 

“Mm,” Ronan hummed. 

 

Adam swore again, groaned. “Ok,” he said, “I’m not - I’m relieved, and pleased, that he gets to forget. That we got him out before any permanent damage was done. I am happy about that. I wish I had gotten out before that too.” 

 

“We’re gonna get there one day,” Ronan said, “to a place where you no longer think about them. Where the memories aren’t as painful. Tomorrow isn’t going to ruin that, I promise.” 

 

“It could.” 

 

“It won’t.” 

 

-

 

He was pretty sure the phone number to the trailer would be the same, or, failing that, he could look it up in the Henrietta phone book. He didn’t really want to call and ask if they were in though, because that felt like a step too far. He didn’t want to see them, to hear them. It was bad enough he would have to see and hear them in person, let alone having to wait with bated breath on the other end of a phone to hear a tinned version of them. No. He asked the cards where they would be. Which was, maybe, a misuse of his abilities. Like driving to the letterbox instead of walking to it. But. It worked. His parents would be home that morning. He could take Ethan to see them. 

 

“Can we take Chainsaw?” Ethan asked as they got their shoes on. 

 

“No,” Ronan said, “she knows she attacks them on sight, so it wouldn’t be a good idea.” 

 

Adam vaguely disagreed. 

 

“What about Hawke?” Ethan asked, “Fenris?” 

 

“Sure,” Adam said, before Ronan could open his mouth, “let’s bring them.” 

 

It would be nice to have some extra comfort along with them. Extra protection for Ethan. 

 

-

 

While Henrietta hadn’t really changed that much over the last few years, it had changed a little. Shops turning into cafes, turning back into shops. Parts of the town growing richer. Paint jobs, construction. The trailer park hadn’t changed at all. It was the same trailers in the same dry dirt, with the same dead eyed people around them. 

 

Driving the BMW down the driveway with Ethan in the backseat felt like a betrayal. Like he was failing a quest. He was returning to the scene of the crime. He was bringing Ethan back into the worst place for them. 

 

Ethan wasn’t really paying that much attention to the trailer park going past the windows, he was busy talking to Hawke and Fenris, who were busy in turn trying to figure out how many dogs lived in the park here that weren’t them. 

 

When they pulled up outside the trailer, Ronan made an audible noise of disgust, and Adam let himself image - just for a second - not stopping the car, just driving it right through the piece of trash trailer, out through the fields, skidding in the dirt, driving back to the Barns. 

 

He parked. 

 

“Ok, sweetheart,” he said over his shoulder to Ethan. “Remember that if you’re uncomfortable at any point, you just gotta say, and we’ll leave immediately, ok? As soon as you wanna go, we’ll go.” 

 

“Yup,” Ethan said. 

 

Adam wished he could ask Ethan to promise him the same escape boat. He couldn’t, so he just smiled at Ethan instead, and opened the car door. 

 

He wondered if his parents had already noticed the BMW. If they already knew what that meant. If they were waiting for him to come to them, or if they’d open the door and come out first. 

 

Ronan helped Ethan wrangle the dogs out of the backseat, and Adam wrangled his heart out of his throat, held his hand out for Ethan to take. Ethan, thankfully, took it. 

 

The five of them made their way to the door. He wanted to tell Ethan about falling down these stairs, right here, about losing his hearing. About how he’d cried for Ethan in the ambulance. About how his parents hadn’t cared. He kept his mouth shut. He knocked on the thin door. 

 

Now he knew his parents knew they were here, because there weren’t any footsteps or noises of movement from within, instead, just the sound of a heavy exhale, like someone was standing on the other side of the door. 

 

He wondered if Ethan remembered what the house looked like inside. 

 

The door opened. 

 

Their mother looked out at them, her face creased in either confusion, or worry, or disgust. She didn’t say hello. 

 

“Mum,” Adam said, hating the word on his tongue, “how are you?” 

 

She wasn’t looking at him. She was looking down between Ronan and Adam at Ethan staring up at her. He had her eyes, and her ears, the same colour hair - if you took away the grey. 

 

“Ethan,” she said, “you’re all grown.” 

 

“I’m twelve,” Ethan said. 

 

“You’re nearly thirteen,” his mother added, which wasn’t something Ronan had expected her to know. 

 

Ethan nodded, a wide smile on his face. 

 

“I suppose you’ll be wanting to come in, then,” she said. 

 

“Is dad home?” Adam asked. 

 

“Yes,” his father yelled from inside. 

 

They went inside, leaving Fenris and Hawke on the steps, door left open. 

 

“Dad,” Adam said stiffly, “how are you?” 

 

“No better for having you here,” he grunted. 

 

“We won’t be here long,” Ronan growled. 

 

“I just wanted to say hi,” Ethan added. 

 

Robert’s gaze drifted from Adam, to Ronan, to Ethan. His expression didn’t really change. 

 

“It’s so nice of you to say hi,” Alice said to Ethan, “I’ve been trying my hardest to get in touch with your brother to see how you are, and he won’t ever reply to me.” 

 

This was cruel of Alice. Ethan gaped, looked from his mother to Adam. 

 

“You have been?” he asked Alice, though he was still staring in shock at Adam. 

 

“Now listen -” Ronan started to say, but Alice cut him off. 

 

“For ages,” Alice said, “he knows I have. He don’t care enough about us though, Ethan.” 

 

“Lucky we had two sons,” Robert added from the couch where he was still sitting, “one to abandon us, the other to come back for us.” 

 

“You’ve been keeping their messages from me?” Ethan asked. He sounded distraught. 

 

“There were no messages specifically for you,” Adam said, a first attempt at consolation, “Ethan I -” 

 

“You made me think they didn’t care!” Ethan interrupted, “That they didn’t even think about us!” 

 

“I think about you all the time, Ethan,” Alice said, “we both do. Don’t we Robert?” 

 

“Don’t we, fuck,” Robert agreed. He cleared his throat, took a swig from a can on the arm of the couch, and then pointed his finger at Adam. “Think ‘specially about how that one there knew we were needy and still turned his back on us.” 

 

“You turned your back first,” Adam snapped, which isn’t what he’d meant to say, or snap. He was supposed to be being calm and cool and in control, not letting his parents worm their way into his head and into Ethan’s heart. He wanted to leave. 

 

“Not our fault you turned out rotten,” Robert continued, “good job you haven’t turned Ethan rotten now too, he still has a heart.” 

 

“Adam,” Ethan mumbled, “let’s go.” 

 

Thank fuck. 

 

“Oh,” Alice said, “baby.” She was talking to Ethan. She reached out to him, took him by the arm. He let her. “Will you come back to see us?” 

 

“Yes,” he said. Adam wanted to rip her hand off of him. 

 

“Hang on,” Robert said, “Ethan, kid. You can’t come back here unless your brother pays us back what he owes us. We want you here, but it’s gonna be up to him, innit? You tell him that if he wants you to have a family he’s gotta pay up. He can’t keep hidin’ from his dad.” 

 

Adam wished he’d driven the car through the trailer. 

 

They go back to the car. 

 

They put Hawke and Fenris back in the car. 

 

Adam felt like the world around him was a blur. Like he wasn’t parsing the passing time properly. It took Ethan six times of saying his name to catch his attention, and when he did, it was only because Ronan had his hand on Adam’s arm as well. 

 

“Fuck,” Adam said. They’d driven out of the trailer park. They were on the main road. He pulled over, because actually, he probably shouldn’t be driving right now if he didn’t even remember getting out here. 

 

“I can’t believe you kept this from me,” Ethan was saying, voice accusatory. “They sent us messages!” 

 

“They weren’t nice messages,” Ronan said in an attempt at soothing this. 

 

“I deserve to know!” Ethan wailed back, “I deserve to know if my parents want to be in touch with me!” 

 

“That’s not what the messages were about,” Ronan tried again. 

 

“Adam,” Ethan said loudly, “Is it true, what dad said? That you owe them? That you took from them?” 

 

Ronan exhales harshly. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said to the steering wheel. “I took you from them. I don’t owe them shit, though.” 

 

“They raised you,” Ethan pointed out. 

 

Adam felt like he could punch a hole through the windshield. He wouldn’t, though, because he was pretty good at controlling his temper, and better at controlling his fists. 

 

“The messages they’ve been sending?” Adam snapped, “are their bills. They say that it’s recompense. For them raising me. Never mind that I put myself through school, that I paid half the bills when I lived with them. I owe them nothing. I paid them back in full when I was under their thumb.” 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me they were sending messages, at least?” Ethan snapped back, not one to stay calm if someone was snapping at him. 

 

“Because,” Adam said, turning around in his head, “because they didn’t deserve you even thinking about them.” 

 

“They said they’ve been thinking about me!” Ethan protested, “They care about me! That means I should be thinking about them!” 

 

“It doesn’t,” Adam gritted out, “it doesn’t. Because I’ve been sending them pictures of you and your achievements for years, ok? I’m not that shitty that I could just - just I wanted them to be proud of you even if they had nothing to do with you. I wanted them to see how awesome you were. And you know what? They never replied. Not once. The first message I ever got from them was them asking for money.” 

 

He’d said too much. 

 

“Lynch,” he mumbled, fumbling with his seat belt. “I need to - I need to walk. Can you drive home.” 

 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Ronan asked. 

 

Ethan was quiet in the backseat. 

 

“Mhm,” Adam said, reaching for the door. 

 

“I’ll pick you up?” Ronan asked. 

 

“No,” Adam said, “drive home. I’ll walk it.” 

 

“Adam,” Ronan sighed. 

 

-

 

He was being childish, he knew. He just couldn’t stand sitting there anymore. Couldn’t sit in Ethan’s disappointment anymore. He knew he was running away from it, but. He wasn’t. Not really. He was walking back towards it right now. He just needed space. 

 

It wasn’t that he hadn’t argued or fought with Ethan before. Ethan took after him, which meant he was stubborn and fiery, and he took after Ronan, which meant he was ridiculous and full of emotion, which all together meant he could fight easily. Usually it wasn’t a real fight. Usually it was a play fight. Sometimes it was more serious, but never anything that drew blood. Adam wouldn’t do that to Ethan, and Ethan didn’t like to be cruel. 

 

He thought, maybe, maybe he’d drawn blood in this fight. If it had even been a fight. 

 

He needed to apologise to Ethan. He had a list of things to apologise for. 

 

  1. Not telling about the messages from mum and dad
  2. Not telling about sending the messages to mum and dad
  3. Withdrawing at the trailer
  4. Getting mad in the car
  5. Being a poop. 



 

He didn’t really want to apologise, because he still felt like he had been right in not telling Ethan about the messages. He hadn’t wanted Ethan to think that he wasn’t even worth a reply, a comment. He hadn’t wanted Ethan to worry about their parents finances. He did want to say sorry, for being a poop, and for getting mad. He was going to apologise for all the things though, because he knew if he were Ethan, he would be mad about all of the things. 

 

-

 

Ronan was waiting at the bottom of the driveway to the Barns when he got there. He was sitting in the grass on the side of the road with a bottle of water and a frown, and he didn’t stand up when Adam approached, so Adam just sat down next to him in the grass. 

 

“Sorry,” he said, took the proffered water bottle. “I shouldn’t have run away like that.” 

 

Ronan sighed, cuffed him lightly on the head, and then wrapped his arm around his shoulders to draw him closer. 

 

“You weren’t running away,” he said, “you needed time to think. I get that.” 

 

“It put you in the hot seat,” Adam said, “that wasn’t fair.” 

 

“Any seat I’m in is hot,” Ronan replied. 

 

“Lynch.” 

 

“It was fine, babe,” Ronan said, kissed his temple lightly. “You know I don’t mind when you need me to take over something.” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said, gulped water down, “but this was something that I should have done, or that we should have done together. Not something I should have just handed off to you.” 

 

“Maybe,” Ronan said, “but it’s harder for you, so it makes sense that you’d want to hand it off. It doesn’t make you weak.” 

 

“Didn’t say it did,” Adam said. 

 

“The meeting was a bit a of shitshow, wasn’t it?” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam sighed. “It was. I don’t think anyone got anything out of that.” 

 

“I did,” Ronan said, “ I got to see that your parents are still manipulative, and your dad still drinks, and he’s still violent - there were more holes in the walls. I got to see how shitty it is there still, and how happy I am that you two aren’t there.” 

 

“But what did Ethan see?” Adam sighed. “Nothing good. I don’t know what he thinks about it, like, at all. Does he think they’re to be pitied? Because of the way they live?” 

 

“They’re not to be pitied,” Ronan growled. 

 

“I think they are, a bit,” Adam grumbled, “for somethings. Not for most things.” 

 

“I pity them for not knowing what amazing sons they had,” Ronan said, “but not enough that I’d wish them on you.” 

 

“Is he mad at me?” Adam asked, and Ronan squeezes his shoulders. 

 

“I think he’s confused,” Ronan said. “He’s not mad. I think, maybe he was in the beginning, but not now.” 

 

“I need to talk to him,” Adam said. “Tell him I’m sorry.” 

 

“I think he wants a hug most,” Ronan said, “he’s with mum right now, and the goats.” 

 

“Thanks for coming to meet me.” 

 

“No biggie,” Ronan said casually, then squeezed his shoulders again. “I love you, asshole.” 

 

“Love you too, shit head.” 

 

-

 

“I’m sorry,” Adam said, once he’d found Ethan up with the goats and Aurora had kissed his cheek and left. “I should have told you more.” 

 

“I’m not a kid,” Ethan said, scratching the head of a kid. 

 

“You kind of are,” Adam snorted, “you are. You’re still a kid. Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have told you more. I should have told you they had been in touch.” 

 

“Were they really only in touch to send you bills?” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam sighed, dropped himself down on a stool, “yeah. They -  I sent them money a few times. Ronan and I did. But. They don’t stop sending the bills.” 

 

“Oh,” Ethan said. 

 

“I’m sorry I got mad in the car,” Adam said, “and I’m sorry I wasn’t very useful at the trailer. I let you down, buddy.” 

 

“I think I’d’ve gotten mad in the car too,” Ethan said carefully, “so. I forgive you.” 

 

Adam snorted. “Thanks.” 

 

“Mhm,” Ethan said, then, “you’re bein’ honest with me right now, yeah?” 

 

“Uh,” Adam said, “yeah?” 

 

“So,” Ethan said. “Do you think they actually wanna get to know me? To see me?” 

 

“Uh,” Adam said, sighed, leaned down to pick up some hay just to give his fingers something to fiddle with. “I think they - I think mum might like to see - like to see how much you’ve grown. I’m pretty sure she keeps the photos. I know she likes to know you’re smart and good.” 

 

“That’s not the answer to my question,” Ethan said. 

 

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” Adam said eventually. “I know that they didn’t want to know me. That they didn’t care for me. I want to tell you that they do wanna get to know you, but I don’t know if I can.” 

 

“I dunno if I wanna go back there again this trip, anyway,” Ethan mumbled. 

 

“So,” Adam said, “maybe we could try doing phone calls. See how that works out, yeah?” 

 

“Mm,” Ethan said. 

 

“Buddy,” Adam said, “I’m not going to send them anymore money. I let them know that with the last cheque I sent them. So. I - I don’t - in case they only want to talk if I give them money, you should know it’s not your fault.” 

 

Ethan shrugged. 

 

“You doing ok?” 

 

“Nah,” Ethan snorted, “I just. Mandy and I thought it might be. Like. Storybook.” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said, “I know.” 

 

“And it wasn’t at all,” Ethan said. “It made my tummy feel gross, and it made you upset, and it made Ro sad.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Adam said again. 

 

“And I didn’t like mum grabbing me,” Ethan added, rubbing at his arm. “It pinched.” 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Adam repeated, held out his arm to Ethan, “c’mere?” 

 

Ethan released the kid, and shuffled over to Adam where he leaned in heavily against his chest, wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck. 

 

Adam rubbed one hand up his back, lifted the other to rub at  Ethan’s arm around his neck. 

 

“You’re ok, buddy,” he mumbled, “and if you’re not feeling ok, you can talk to me about it. I’ll be more open about this stuff with you. Ok?” 

 

“Mhm,” Ethan said, sniffed in noisily against Adam’s neck. “Ok.” 

 

“Love you, buddy.” 


	5. Mr Ronan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan spending time at Ethan's school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has been half written for a few months because I forgot about it.

After Adam starts university, it becomes Ronan’s job in the morning to get Ethan ready for school and then to school, and not only is he totally fine with this, he’s very happy with this. 

 

Some mornings Adam doesn’t have to leave too early so they all take part in getting breakfast eaten and lunch ready and shoes found, and then Ronan gets to walk out of the house with both his hands being held. Other mornings Adam has to leave ridiculously early, which is also fine, (although Ronan much prefers getting to wake up to Adam still pressed up against him) and then he and Ethan do the morning routine by themselves together. 

 

It turns into routine quite easily and quite quickly because Adam’s schedule becomes more solidified, so the mornings that he’ll already be gone are never a surprise. So. it goes like this. 

 

On Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, Adam turns off the alarm at six thirty, kisses Ronan, and goes to his stupid seven fifteen class. Then, an hour later, the alarm goes off again and Ronan has to remember that he’s the one who’s gotta turn it off, so he turns it off and usually Ethan has made his way into bed with him by now, most often with Chainsaw, so they all shuffle off into the kitchen for cereal. After cereal Ethan helps Ronan with the lunch making and the stopping Chainsaw from eating the lunch before it can be packed. Once the lunch is packed and Ethan’s bag is checked to make sure it has everything he needs and not yesterday’s scraps or an important note in it, they have a who can get dressed the fastest race, which is always fun but possibly not the best use of time because then Ronan has to assist Ethan in turning his clothes back the right way round and re-doing buttons 

 

Then they go to school, Ethan dragging Ronan along by the hand because he’s a Parrish and actually finds school exciting. Something about learning shit. Ronan loved how excited he got about it, loved to listen to Ethan babble on about what they were going to do in class that day as they walked the few blocks to school. 

 

-

 

It was two months - just - into this routine that it changed a little. Because usually, when they got to the school, Ronan would do what all the other parents did and go into the classroom to drop Ethan off and say hello to the teacher, kiss Ethan goodbye and go. Today though, he and Ethan turned up in the classroom to the teacher looking all sorts of harassed, and then oddly less harassed when she caught sight of him and Ethan. 

 

“Oh,” she said in loud relief as Ronan lifted his hand in a wave at her, “Ronan!” 

 

“Everything alright?” Ronan asked, helping Ethan tug his arms out of his jacket as the teacher approached. 

 

“Yes,” she said, then shook her head and laughed, “well, no. Cara - our class aid, you know? She called in sick this morning, but very late and we can’t get a substitute in until just after lunch.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan said, frowned a little. He was still holding Ethan’s jacket, but Ethan was somewhere across the room talking a mile a minute to one of his friends - Jeremy or Jordan. “And the class is meant to be going to the library today, aren’t they?” 

 

“Yes,” she said, “I can’t take all of them by myself.” 

 

Ronan was very aware of what he was being asked to do. He considered pretending like he wasn’t aware and saying he hoped she figured something out, saying goodbye, and then saying goodbye to Ethan and leaving. But. He quite liked this teacher, she was kind and well educated and Ethan liked her, so. Also. He didn’t have anything on this morning, and, well, he would never turn up an opportunity to spend more time with Ethan. 

 

“Well,” he said, “I’d be happy to volunteer my time this morning. I’m pretty good at wrangling small animals.” 

 

“Could you?” She said, “That would be amazing, thank you so much.” 

 

“Happy to help,” Ronan said, which sounded like something he would only say with sarcasm on top, but, somewhat surprisingly, it had come out sounding perfectly sincere. 

 

-

 

The library trip wasn’t straight away. First there was the roll, and the good mornings, and a reading lesson which started with a bit of story time, and due to popular request, Ronan found himself doing story time because apparently Ethan had informed every single one of his classmates that Ronan did the best story voices. 

 

After storytime was the actual reading lesson, and he sat at the side of the classroom and tried to do as the teacher told him in assisting where she couldn’t because she was already busy with three children. 

 

The walk to the library meant he was holding Ethan’s hand, and Ethan was holding his friend Jeremy’s hand, and Ronan and the teacher were in between them shepherding a horde of small over excitable children down a road that was too busy for this many children with only four adult hands. Amazingly they all arrived at the library in one piece, and Ronan hadn’t freaked out about that one boy breaking ranks to chase a cat and running across a driveway  _ without even looking _ . 

 

It’s calmer at the library because they take the roll again, and all the children are reminded that libraries mean using your inside voice. A librarian shows them around the library, explained what the categories were, talked to them about things you could do at the library, asked questions about favourite stories, and then there was another story time. 

 

-

 

“You’re never gonna guess what I got up to today,” Ronan greeted Adam when Adam got home. 

 

It was a Thursday, so not only did he leave the house ridiculously early, he got home painfully late too (8.30. Very late).

 

“Oh?” Adam yawned, accepting the plate of dinner Ronan pressed into his hands, “did you and Chainsaw get on the news again?” 

 

“That was once,” Ronan protested, “and no.” 

 

“Hm,” Adam said, letting Ronan push him over onto the couch to sit down, curled his legs up underneath him, put a forkful of potato in his mouth and spoke through it. “Did you fix the washing machine?” 

 

“Oh fuck,” Ronan said, “shit. I forgot.” 

 

Adam rolled his eyes, swallowed the potato, sighed. “Ronan,” he said, “I don’t wanna go to the laundromat.” 

 

“I’ll get it done tomorrow,” Ronan said, “I promise. And I’ll get all the washing done too.” 

 

“Hm,” Adam said, shrugged, leaned in against Ronan’s side in forgiveness. “Ok, what did you do today?” 

 

“Cara was away sick,” Ronan said, stealing a shred of chicken off of Adam’s plate and only narrowly missing having his fingers thwacked by Adam’s fork. “And the library trip was on today.” 

 

“Oh dear,” Adam said through a mouthful of chicken, “what happened?” 

 

“I helped out,” Ronan said, “all morning. Until the substitute arrived after lunch. Went to the library with them and everything.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, his tone very obviously giving away how much he did not expect this answer, “did you have fun?” 

 

“I actually really did,” Ronan said, nudged Adam’s shoulder with his own, “it was really nice. Kinda fulfilling.” 

 

“That’s cute, babe,” Adam said, grinned up at him. 

 

“Uh, then after,” Ronan said, paused as Adam held up a forkful of chicken for him to eat, then spoke through the chicken. “Ethan’s teacher asked if I’d consider stepping in and helping out more often.” 

 

“Huh,” Adam said, shifted against Ronan so he could look at him properly, “that could be cool?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, “I think I’d actually… I said yeah. I’d like that I think. Like, not all the time, and not as a job. Just as a volunteer. But. I asked Ethan too, if he was ok with it, and he was stoked. So. Whaddya think?” 

 

“What do I think?” Adam snorted, shook his head, ate some more, didn’t answer. 

 

Not helpful.

 

“Adam,” Ronan grumbled, elbowed him in the side. 

 

Adam raised his eyebrows at him, and then, “Oh!” he said, “I didn’t think you were serious about wanting my opinion.” 

 

“The fuck?” Ronan said, “When am I not serious about wanting your opinion?” 

 

“I dunno,” Adam shrugged, “just. Obviously you wanna do this, so it’s not like you need my permission?” 

 

“I’m not asking for permission,” Ronan said, “god, Parrish.” 

 

Adam eyed him up for a few moments, fed him another forkful - this time broccoli. 

 

“Ok,” he said, “I think it’s great, babe. I honestly do. I think you’ll have fun. And Ethan’ll have fun.” 

 

“So you think it’s a good idea?” 

 

“I thought you didn’t need my permission?” 

 

“I don’t. Just your blessing.” 

 

“Baby,” Adam snorted, moved the plate aside so he could lean more fully against Ronan, “you’ve got it. More importantly, you’ve got Ethan’s. So. Are you gonna be called Mr Lynch?” 

 

“Mr Ronan,” Ronan said. 


	6. Born at Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan and Adam discuss expanding their family

It happened a week after Ethan's thirteenth birthday. Two days after they'd got back home from a ridiculously extensive party in Henrietta. Apparently it was a Lynch tradition to make a fuss out of turning thirteen, and the fox way ladies lived for fusses, and everyone loved Ethan, so, a big fuss was had. 

It was lovely and enjoyable and thoroughly exhausting and Adam was very pleased to be home in his own bed. 

 

Especially pleased to be home in his own bed, because while he loved being at the barns, and around all his found family, there wasn't really very much space or time for him to pin Ronan down on the mattress without the fear of being walked in on or overheard. 

 

So, they were home, and Adam had gotten over being tired from traveling and socialising, and Ethan was long asleep, and Ronan was making fucking great noises underneath him, and Adam's mouth just went ahead and said some shit without waiting for any real permission. 

 

“I wanna have a baby with you,” he said, or possibly moaned, right into Ronan’s ear. 

 

Ronan made a hard to decipher noise, and then, despite, or because of, (that would be a whole new conversation) what Adam had just said, came, very much distracting Adam from what had come out of his mouth. 

  
  


So the thing was, they had talked about this before. Having children together. But it had been in a vague sort of abstract way in which they had both agreed they wanted to but had also both agreed to put that particular conversation on a shelf for later. 

 

And well, it was later, that was true, but Adam didn't really think his mouth truly appreciated the stupidity of the moment it chose to blurt it out. Balls deep. At least he hadn't said 'I wanna make a baby with you’. 

 

Anyway. Ronan cums, and Adam follows suit because Ronan is very persuasive on these matters, and they clean up, and brush their teeth and get back into bed and Adam thinks that maybe his outburst would be graciously ignored as an orgasm addled declaration of love. 

 

He thought that until he turns off the light and rolled over to snuggle up against Ronan's back, and Ronan tipped his head back and spoke. 

 

“So,” he said, “you wanna make a baby with me, huh, Parrish?” 

 

“Fucks sake,” Adam grunted, pressed his forehead against the back of Ronan's shoulder. “ _ Have _ a baby. I'm well aware we can't do this the traditional way.” 

 

“When have we ever done this the traditional way?” Ronan scoffed. 

 

“I mean,” Adam said, kisses at Ronan's shoulder blade, “we got married, people say that's pretty traditional.” 

 

“Fuck off,” Ronan said, then, “are you for real then?” 

 

Adam takes a moment to consider this. He hadn’t changed his mind about wanting to have children with Ronan since they’d last talked about it. He had a good job, a steady income. They had a nice place, enough room. Ethan was in a good place, he and Ronan were both in good places mentally as well. He wasn’t sure if twenty six was too young still, but. 

 

“Yeah,” he said, “I’m for real.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, put his head back down on the pillow. 

 

“Ok?” Adam repeated, incredulous, lifted himself up on his elbow to squint down at Ronan. “Ok, as in, let’s have a baby?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ronan said, eyes shut, “put a baby in me, Parrish.” 

 

“Stop it,” Adam snorted, smacked Ronan’s shoulder. “Are we gonna do this?” 

 

Ronan turned over then, rolling onto his back and opening his eyes and grinning up at Adam as he hooked his arms around Adam’s waist and tugged him down onto him. 

 

“Fuck yes,” he said.

 

“We’ll have to talk to Ethan about it before we start looking into adopting,” Adam said. 

 

Ronan nodded, leaned up to kiss him. Adam kissed him back hard before continuing. 

 

“I don’t want him to feel pushed aside, or like he’s less to us if we have a child of our own.” 

 

“I know,” Ronan said, kissed him again, softer, then cupped his face and drew his face down to press their foreheads again. “I know. We’ll make sure he’s ok about it, that he’s happy with it.” 

 

“Babe,” Adam mumbled, closed his eyes, “we’re gonna do this?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, “if you’re in this, I am in it too. Hundred percent.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, “good. We’ll talk to Ethan after school tomorrow?” 

 

“Good,” Ronan said, “we’ll do a family dinner. It’ll be nice.” 

 

“You’re nice,” Adam said. 

 

Ronan squeezed his sides and pulled a face, and Adam laughed at him. 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, “we should sleep while we still can. If we talk about this anymore tonight I’m gonna wanna get up and start like… looking at baby clothes.” 

 

“Shit,” Adam snorted, “sop.” 

 

“I can’t help it,” Ronan sighed, releasing Adam’s face so he could roll off of him, “I’ve been thinking about this for way too long.” 

 

“Sop,” Adam reiterated, then relented a little as he pressed his face against Ronan’s neck. “Same.” 

 

“Sop,” Ronan said. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said, kissed at Ronan’s neck. “Ok. Talk about this more tomorrow?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

  
  


-

 

“Adam,” Ronan was hissing, “Adam. Wake up. Wake up, shit.” 

 

His alarm hadn’t gone off yet, which meant it wasn’t even seven in the morning yet, so Ronan waking him up was very underappreciated. He groaned and rolled over, away from Ronan’s jabby hands. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan repeated, and now his slight panic managed to break through Adam’s sleep crusted brain. 

 

“Wha’ss goin’ on?” he slurred, flailing in the blankets as he sat up and tried to swivel around at once, “What’s wrong?” 

 

There wasn’t any blood, no night horrors (which was a relief seeing as there hadn’t been any for years, so a sudden reappearance would be upsetting), no upset Ethan, no smoke. Just Ronan sitting cross legged next to him, blanket crumpled up in his arms. 

 

Not a blanket crumpled up in his arms. Blankets didn’t have feet. Although he supposed feet having blankets wasn’t out of the realm of dream possibility. 

 

“Lynch,” he said lowly, “what did you do.” 

 

“Don’t be mad,” Ronan said, which is something he tended to say moments before he said things that made Adam mad. “It wasn’t on purpose.” 

 

Adam wasn’t mad. He was befuddled. Tired. Terrified. He peered into Ronan’s arms. 

 

“You haven’t brought out anything by mistake for years,” he said. 

 

“Bringing her out was on purpose,” Ronan admitted. He wasn’t meeting Adam’s eyes. 

 

“You just said it wasn’t on purpose,” Adam hissed.

 

“I didn’t mean to dream it,” Ronan clarified, “the dream. But I - once she was  _ there _ … how could I leave her behind? She was there. Real, breathing, crying. I couldn’t just leave her there.” 

 

“Shit,” Adam sighed, brushed his thumb across one chubby cheek, “shit, Ronan.” 

 

“Adam,” Ronan said, voice cracking, “Adam, please.” 

 

“I’m not mad,” Adam said, shifted closer on his knees. “I’m not mad, I’m just -” 

 

“Don’t say disappointed.” 

 

“I’m just surprised,” Adam finished firmly, “and scared, and maybe like… a little pissed. But not mad. I’m not -” 

 

“You just said you were pissed,” Ronan grumbled, tipping his arms forward a little so Adam could press in closer. 

 

“Pissed at how this happened in general,” Adam said, “not at you. Not at… her?” 

 

“Her,” Ronan clarified, “here.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, then sat back down on his heels so that Ronan could shift the baby from his arms to Adam’s. “Oh. She’s heavy.” 

 

“Healthy baby,” Ronan said, “I hope. I mean. I didn’t think about it. Y’know? She was just there, so like. Maybe she’s just full of bees.” 

 

“She better not be,” Adam mumbled down at her. Her eyes were closed, but her mouth was open, mouthing at the air. “We’re gonna want Gansey to babysit sometimes.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Ronan said then, his now empty arms moving to wrap around his own waist, “I know this wasn’t - this was supposed to be planned and prepared for and talked about and - I’m sorry.” 

 

“I know,” Adam said. She had soft dark curls on her head. “And this is going to be real inconvenient and all - I’m gonna have to take some time off work, we’re gonna have to go on an emergency shopping trip - but. Babe. This is - shit. Ronan, this is our kid, isn’t it? This is our baby? You can’t apologise for our baby.” 

 

“Fuck,” Ronan mumbled. 

 

“Ronan,” Adam said, “this is  _ our _ baby, right? Not just a random Cabeswater dream offering. This is our baby?” 

 

Ronan snorted, released himself now in favour of reaching out to touch Adam’s cheek. “She’s ours,” Ronan said, “I didn’t mean for any of it to happen, but I - as soon as I saw her I knew she was ours. Cabeswater and my dreams know you well enough to make a baby that’s yours as well as it is mine.” 

 

“Shit,” Adam said. 

 

“I guess you did make a baby with me, then,” Ronan teased, “with your magic.” 

 

“I swear to God,” Adam said, “shut up. We’re gonna need nappies.” 

 

-

 

“I can’t believe you’ve done this!” Ethan was saying when Adam got back with the nappies and formula and bottles. 

 

“Buddy,” Ronan groaned, “I love you, but can this not be a time for vines?” 

 

“But,” Ethan said, “magic baby!” 

 

“Hey bud,” Adam called from the kitchen, “you’re up, then?” 

 

“There was a baby crying and a Chainsaw trying to hide in my hair, of course I’m up!” Ethan yelled back.

 

Adam grunted, started to unpack the shopping. Ethan appeared in the kitchen behind him. 

  
“Ro says it was a mistake,” he said. 

 

“It was,” Adam sighed, reaching to turn the kettle on, “but - we were going to talk to you today. About us having a kid.” 

 

“Like,” Ethan said, leaning against Adam’s side, “you were planning on having a dream baby, just not today?” 

 

“We were planning on adopting,” Adam said. 

 

“So really,” Ronan said from behind them, having somehow crept up on them despite carrying a baby, “it’s like planning to adopt a baby and then finding out you’re already pregnant.” 

 

“So,” Ethan said, a little slowly, “you’re not going to put her back, right?” 

 

“Of course not,” Adam snorted, squinting at the instructions on the formula, “why would we do that?” 

 

“You said she was a mistake,” Ethan said, “so… good.” 

 

The baby squawked loudly from Ronan’s arms. Possibly she was also part raven. Ronan shushed her. 

 

“Lynch,” Adam said, “I’m going to get a bottle made up for her. There are nappies on the counter, you should put one on her before she pees on you.” 

 

“Too late for that,” Ethan said, sounding vaguely gleeful, “she already peed on him.” 

 

-

 

“Yes,” Ronan said into the phone, sighed heavily. “I’m aware I’m not three anymore. Yes. I know just… bringing a human being into the world isn’t a light thing.” 

 

Adam would possibly have more sympathy for the conversation Ronan was having with his mother right now, but he was to busy being relieved he wasn’t the one having it. Not that he thought Aurora would be mad at them, just exasperated, and also maybe a little worried, and he had enough of his own exasperation and worry to deal with right now. 

 

“Yeah, we’d appreciate that,” Ronan said, “thanks, mum. No. No we haven’t. Yeah. Ok. Love you. Bye.” 

 

“Is she coming then?” Adam asked, finishing up with the nappy changing he was doing. 

 

“Yup,” Ronan said, “she’s going to finish up the chores at the farm, call in the farm hands, and then drive up.” 

 

“Good,” Adam said, then over his shoulder, “buddy? You dressed yet?” 

 

“I can’t believe you’ve done this,” Ethan replied loudly and glumly from his room. “Making me go to school today. While all this is happening!” 

 

“Be relieved,” Adam said, “you won’t have to change any nappies until you get home.” 

 

“Plus,” Ronan said, dropping his phone on the couch and fending of Fenris as he stands up, “things will hopefully be a little more sorted by this afternoon.” 

 

“Well,” Ethan grumbled, coming out of his room, “can I tell my friends?” 

 

“No,” Adam said, “not yet, bud. Give us a few days to get like… the paperwork sorted out and stuff, ok?” 

 

“But,” Ethan said, “you _ said _ you’re not putting her back, so does it matter if people know already?” 

 

“Buddy,” Ronan said, stepping around the couch to pull Ethan into a headlock, Fenris barking at his heels, “we’re keeping her, ok? Don’t worry. We don’t want you telling people yet so we have a chance to get the whole story straight. Most people won’t just accept that I woke up with her in my arms.” 

 

“Ugh,” Ethan groaned, but conceded the point by staying hanging in Ronan’s arms. “Other people are dumb.” 

 

“Tell me about it,” Ronan said, “hey, while you’re at school, start thinking up names, yeah? We’re gonna need help choosing a good one for her.” 

 

“Oh, oh!” Ethan said, wriggled his head free from Ronan’s grip, “Morgana. Guenevere. Eleanour!” 

 

“That’s great,” Ronan snorted, “keep brainstorming, Ethan the uncle.” 

 

-

  
  


Ronan walked Ethan to school as per usual, seeing as it was their regular talk and chat time as well as the dogs morning walk, and Adam stayed back with their  _ baby _ and called in absent to work. He was doing a pretty good job on the whole not panicking the fuck out thing, a pretty darn superb job, all things considered. Yes, he wanted to have a baby with Ronan. Yes, now he was holding  _ this _ baby he wanted this baby. Yes, he was already kind of in love with her screwed up face and her tiny fingers and the way she was theirs. No, he was super not ready for this to be reality right now. 

 

It was odd how easily his body had remembered how to hold a baby. He hadn’t held a baby for any extended period of time since Ethan had been a baby, but his arms instinctively knew how to cradle, to support, to rock. He remembered how to make up the formula, how to change the nappies on tiny bums, how to keep a baby stable in his arms while he did other things. He remembered how scared he had been about ninety eight percent of the time he had been holding Ethan as a baby. Scared he would drop him, scared he’d lose his temper at him, scared he’d muck up and get him in trouble with the parents. Scared that if he cried they’d both be in trouble, and what if it got taken out on Ethan and not Adam? Scared that he wouldn’t be able to keep Ethan alive. 

 

These last things were not useful things for his body to be remembering. It made him want to curl up in his room with the baby in his arms, made him want to try to desperately keep her quiet everytime she gurgled or cried, made his heart hurt as it beat against his ribcage. 

 

He needed Ronan back. He should have asked him to stay behind. He should have been the one to walk Ethan to school. 

 

He knew he should call someone. Blue, Gansey, Maura, his therapist. But. Firstly, they weren’t going to tell anyone about this (except for Aurora) until they’d screwed their heads on, and secondly, you better keep your goddamn mouth shut, boy. 

 

It was ridiculous. He was twenty six. He was twenty six and he hadn’t lived under his parents roof for almost a decade. He was twenty six and none of that seemed to matter right now because he remembered so intrinsically just how terrified he could be. 

 

He forced himself to remain in the lounge, because this was his house and he was safe in his house and he could sit where he liked. He forced himself to stay in the lounge, and sat on the sofa with the baby cradled in his arms against his heaving chest and tried to distract himself by talking to her. 

 

“Hey baby,” he said, maybe a little shakily, “what a surprise, huh! Look at you here, being a whole real thing.” 

 

She shut her eyes, probably telling him to button it up, he wasn’t fooling anyone with pretending he wasn’t having a minor melt down. 

 

“I know,” he said, exhaling long and slow in an effort at keeping himself steady, “I bet you weren’t expecting me, either, huh? I’ll get better though, I will.” 

 

He can hear barking from outside, and then the front door opening. 

 

Ronan lets the dogs in. There’s some scuffling as he takes their leashes off, and then the clicking of dogs hurrying about on hardwood floors as if they had very important places to be, and then Ronan appeared in the lounge doorway. 

 

“Hey,” he said to Adam, “this looks like a dream.” 

 

Adam would, truly, like to indulge Ronan in this moment of getting to look at his husband and baby curled up on the couch together, but also. 

 

“Take her,” he gasped, “please. I need - I’m seriously freaking out right now, Ronan.” 

 

Ronan’s face shifts from lazily pleased to freaked out in one smooth moment, and then he’d crossed the room in two long strides to sit down on the couch next to them, and Adam had carefully tipped her into Ronan’s arms and sprung up from the seat. 

 

“Is she ok?” Ronan asked, hoarse, “Are you ok?” 

 

“She’s fine,” Adam said, exhaled loudly, stepped away from the couch, and then bent at the waist and gripped at his legs as if doing upright yoga would help right now. “And I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.” 

 

“Adam,” Ronan said, possibly because Adam did not really sound like he was fine, fine, fine. 

 

He had known he was going to need to work up to this. The father thing. He had known he was going to need to spend some time in his therapy sessions specifically talking about this kinda thing. He had known this. He had been content that they would have had time to deal with this before there was a baby. He was fine. He would be fine. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan said again, and maybe his distress was too loud, because the baby cried out as well. 

 

He could hear Ronan getting up, and he released his legs to hold his hand up. 

 

“Don’t,” he said to his feet, “I’m fine. Give me a moment.” 

 

The couch creaked a little as Ronan sat back down again. Adam breathed. Slow, steady, in through his nose, out through his mouth. Like Ronan had taught him a long time ago, talking him through a panic attack. He waited until his limbs felt less on fire with adrenaline, and then straightened up again, turned back to the couch, and sat back down next to Ronan. He leaned in against Ronan’s side, pressing his face to his neck, and Ronan immediately lifted his arm to wrap around his shoulders. 

 

“Adam,” he said. 

 

“I’m fine,” Adam mumbled, lifted his hand to rest on the baby’s stomach. She was wearing one of Ethan’s shirts - a yellow one with a unicorn - and her nappy. “I’m - I’m freaking out a bit, but I’m fine.” 

 

Ronan nodded, squeezed his arm a little tighter around Adam, and then said, carefully, “I thought you were… fine with this? I mean. I know it’s a lot and all at once, but you seemed like you were pretty calm about it before.” 

 

“I was,” Adam said, “I am,” he decided, “I mean. I am more then fine with this, with her, with us and her and her being here. I’m not even going to think about wanting this to be different because she’s here now and I want her, ok?” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said. 

 

“But I - I thought I was going to have more time.” 

 

“Me too,” Ronan said, “for preparing mentally.” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said, sighed, “but also for - look. I love Ethan. I loved raising him. But I - it was hell. It was me and a baby alone and scared and it was hell, and I - I know this is different. So different. But when you were gone, just for that small time, I couldn’t keep myself convinced that it was different. I was… I was scared as all fuck.” 

 

“Of me not coming back?” Ronan asked, voice tight. 

 

“I don’t know,” Adam admitted, a little helplessly. “Of being hurt, overwhelmingly. Of… of her being hurt.” 

 

Ronan was quiet for a long moment, and then he tipped his head sideways to press a firm kiss to Adam’s temple. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

 

“Don’t,” Adam sighed.

 

“Nah,” Ronan said, kissed him again, “let me be sorry. I know we’re not being sorry about her being here, but I’m sorry I left you alone, and I’m sorry this happened so suddenly before we were properly ready. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” 

 

“Don’t,” Adam repeated, sniffed. Ronan kissed him again, and he closed his eyes. 

 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Ronan said. 

 

“I’m thinking,” he cleared his throat, then stroked the baby soothingly as she jolted at the noise, “I’m thinking that I - that I’m gonna need some time to work through this. Work this out.” 

 

They sat in silence for a few moments, and then Ronan asked; “What does that mean? ‘Cos I mean. I’ll give you all the time you need, I just -” 

 

“I don’t mean I need to get away,” Adam said, “I just mean I don’t think I can do any of this by myself for a while. I mean. I mean I’m gonna need you to take on the main role at first. I mean we’re probably gonna be spending double on therapy for a couple of months.” 

 

“Whatever you need,” Ronan said, “shit, Parrish. Of course.” 

 

“When’s your mum getting here?” Adam asked. 

 

-

 

Aurora was a God send. Or, rather more accurately, a dream. She swept in an hour after Ronan had gotten back from dropping Ethan off, with bags of baby clothing and cloth nappies from the Barns attics, a collection of tupperwares of food (because apparently she just always had them at the ready), and a ready smile for all of them. 

 

“Still not named?” She asked when Ronan handed the baby over to his mother to hold. “I suppose not, it has only been a few hours, hasn’t it.” 

 

“No name yet,” Adam confirmed, “we’ve been busy with trying to figure out some of the logistics of how we tell the world about her.” 

 

“I’ve dreamed up all the documents,” Ronan added, “we think they’ll hold. Probably best if you look them over, though.” 

 

“Probably best if we call Declan up and ask if him to look them over,” Aurora replied with a smile, rocked the baby in her arms. “He’s better with that kind of stuff.” 

 

“Yes,” Ronan sighed. His and Declan’s relationship may have been reasonably good these days, but. “But you know he’ll be all huffy about this.” 

 

“Huffy on top, yes,” Aurora said, “but you know how much he loves Matthew.” 

 

“Mhm,” Roan grumbled, leaned into his mother’s arms so he could drop a kiss on his daughter’s head. 

 

-

 

By two thirty, Declan was over as well, and the baby was being passed from Lynch to Lynch, and the paperwork had been approved, and Adam was hiding in the bedroom pretending he was looking for something, but really just needing to take a breather from the enormity of it all. 

 

“Adam,” Aurora said, appearing in the doorway as softly and suddenly as Noah often had. “Remind me what you were looking for?” 

 

Adam was sitting on the bed, very much not looking for anything. He couldn’t think of anything off the top of his head either. “My head,” he said, and she smiled and came to sit on the bed next to him. 

 

“Where is your head?” 

 

“I’m not sure,” he admitted, picked at the edge of the bedcover. “I can’t tell if it’s up my ass or stuck under a trailer in Henrietta.” 

 

“I don’t think it’s up your ass,” she said, “and I don’t blame you for feeling this way.” 

 

“I don’t blame myself, either,” Adam mumbled, “I don’t blame Ronan either,” he added quickly, “or her. I blame circumstance.” 

 

“Circumstance has often been cruel to you,” Aurora said, her hand on his back, “I know it feels like it’s been cruel right now.” 

 

“It is,” Adam said to his knees, “but more to her than to me. How cruel of the world to give her to us right now when I’m not ready to love her as much as she ought to be loved.” 

 

“That isn’t the problem,” Aurora said, which was true. 

 

“Ok,” he said, “I love her. I don’t know how or why, seeing as there was no forewarning of her arrival for me to warm up to loving her. I just do. Ridiculously. I’d die for her. I suppose that’s a normal parental emotion?” He paused so she could smile and nod. “But,” he continued, “I’m not ready to handle it. The love. The being responsible. The memories. I can’t do this by myself.” 

 

“You’re not by yourself,” Aurora pointed out, “and you never will be for this. Never again, Adam. You have family all around you. We’ll be there for you, for her, for Ethan, for Ronan. None of us will let this get too big for you.” 

 

Adam didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure how to. Aurora was rubbing his back. 

 

“She’s going to grow up with two fathers who love her to pieces, who show her how much they love her daily. She’s not going to grow up frightened. She’s going to grow up loud and joyful and clever. And so will you.” 

 

He cleared his throat, but still didn’t make to speak. 

 

“This will be hard,” she said, “it is always hard. But I promise you it won’t be as hard as you think it is.” 

 

-

 

“Sylvia,” Ethan said as soon as he tumbled through the front door. Declan had gone to pick him up with the dogs, and he stood behind Ethan in the doorway, hands full of leashes and Ethan’s bag. “Guys! Sylvia!” 

 

“Uh,” Ronan said from his position on the floor where he was changing the baby’s nappy (it needed to be changed a lot more than Adam remembered). “No, this is Patrick?” 

 

“God,” Adam groaned, “seriously, Lynch?” 

 

“I have nothing to do with this!” Declan protested as he wrangled himself, the bag, and the dogs inside. 

 

“Wrong Lynch,” Aurora called from the kitchen. 

 

“Oh,” Declan said. 

 

“Sylvia,” Ethan repeated, bounding up to Adam to hug him hello, and then dropping down onto the floor next to the baby. “It’s latin. It means something like, from the forest. She’s from the forest. We could call her Silvy for short. Or Silly. Or V. Or Sil.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan said, “silva.” 

 

“Yes!” Ethan said, reached out to touch the top of the baby’s head genty. 

 

“What do you think?” 

 

“Well,” Adam said, slid down from his seat on the couch to the floor next to his family, “I like it.” 

 

“It really brings out the geek in all of us,” Ronan added, “so I like it.” 

 

“So I get to name her?” Ethan asked. 

 

“Better than Ronan calling her Handsaw,” Declan said. 

 

“Better than Declan calling her Emma,” Ronan said. 

 

“Better than calling her baby for the rest of her life,” Aurora called. 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, “Sylvia. Sylvy.” 

 

“Sylvia Parrish-Lynch,” Ethan said proudly, “is going to like me as her uncle the best because I named her.” 

 

“Rude,” Declan said. 

 

“Sylvia Dawn,” Adam added. 

 

“Ah,” Ronan said wisely, “because I dream birthed her at dawn?” 

 

“No,” Adam said, “for your mother, dummy.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! If you like my writing feel free to come yell at me on my Tumblr etoilegarden.tumblr.com


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